I went into Fred Meyer the other day and was taken a little aback by their entrance display. Not the “Baby your baby” sale. Look closer.
What are they trying to tell me about babies?!
“Stupid babies need the most attention!”
Release the hounds!
As we’re now in the short period of time during the year in the Northwest where it’s actively pleasurable to walk a dog, we’ve been doing a lot more actual dog walking than shooing the dog into the backyard to do his business and hurriedly shutting the door behind him to avoid letting any heat out, pantomiming through the glass doors that he should hurry up and do his dog business before he gets soaked through and trails wet dog smell behind him through the house like a filthy scent blanket. On these walks, we’ve had loose dogs rush at us no fewer than three times, their owners seemingly under the belief that the property line will somehow magically contain their aggressive dog. In each of these instances, this cannot possibly be the first time their dog has done this, so you’d think at some point they’d learn and obtain some sort of physical item to keep the dog in the yard…like a fence, or a stake, or a leash. You’d think that when you can afford to buy a home with a country club in your backyard that $3.87 for a dog stake wouldn’t break the bank, but maybe it’s too much to ask when they already have so much on their hands–like a golf cart and a yacht and a dressage horse and the herd of Wagyu cows…something has gotta give, and apparently a penny for a dog collar is one luxury they cannot afford. I blame the economy.
So, each time, I am left to drag my stupid dog away from what is surely a losing fight on his end…each time but one. This time, he ran behind me and snapped his collar in half, leaving me to have to pick him up to physically keep him away from the snarling neighbor dog snapping at my feet while his owner scurries up, saying “Oh gee whiz, I don’t know why he just won’t stay in the yard! Sorry!” “And I don’t know how my boot just found its way into your rectum, by golly I’m sorry!”
As I carried Napoleon home, I began to wonder how he managed to snap his collar in half–it was leather and we’d had it fewer than three months, so it should have been able to withstand the exertion of twenty pounds of fury. I’ve come to one of two conclusions: either my dog is secretly Dog Hulk but only transforms when I’m not looking, or the spinach he’s been gnawing on from our garden gives him Popeye powers. Either way, I don’t think I’m going to tease him with treats anymore.
“We fixed the glitch. So he won’t be receiving a paycheck anymore. So it’ll just work itself out naturally.”
Earlier this year, I aided with some makeup and SFX work on a project that I couldn’t really talk about. Now I can: that project was Glitch, and they’ve just released their pilot episode to the general public–they should be releasing new episodes biweekly. I was not involved with the pilot at all, but some sort of Mellzah Dildarian credit should pop up in future episodes…so there’s my immortality, eh? I may also be visible as an extra in a scene or two, but hopefully not, because I am the worst actress in the history of acting–my tongue is jammed too firmly in my cheek to ever be anything other than embarrassing to watch. Those who can, do. Those who can’t, apply makeup…or something.
Aside from helping to fund the city of Seattle by receiving multiple parking tickets while on the job (How do you block an unmarked crosswalk? IT’S UNMARKED! Next you’ll be telling me I didn’t stop for the invisible stop sign!), I helped get the actors camera-beautiful and aided where I could around set. Some days, I was powdering noses. Other days, I was creating wicked-awesome scars and helping to transform (young and beautiful) Brian Sutherland into a variety of different old men. I even did a bit of wig-styling, from which the wig will surely never recover! And I’m not the only one who thought I did a good job! From the desk of the director, Tyler J. Hill: “Mellzah Dildarian needs also to be thanked, for her help with the makeup, who brought some FX wizardry into the mix and pulled some stuff off that had worried me until she arrived. But also, Mellzah was just there, so much, giving her time and energy and helping out wherever she could.” I’M A WIZARD, HARRY!
I had tons of fun working on the show, I met a lot of really incredible people, and I feel really fortunate to have been looped in on the project. I hope that it gets picked up for a second season, selfishly, to give me more work, but unselfishly because everyone worked really hard and I think it’s going to be a fun show–I’ve never seen a script so I have no idea how the whole thing is going to turn out…I’ll be finding out along with you! So far it seems to be a great big love letter to nerd culture, and I couldn’t be happier about it.
While we wait to learn the fate of Glitch, Samus, and Wyatt, I have a few behind the scenes photos and a video of makeup that I worked on that I can post. Enjoy!
