On Friday, I ran a buttload of errands. Buttload, if you are unfamiliar with this highly scientific term, is super-science speak for “a lot, like, whoa, a lot.” Example: “I may need a blood transfusion: I was in Forks this weekend and was swarmed by a buttload of mosquitos. Nary a glittery vampire in sight.” OR “The seam on Jennifer Lopez’s pants gave way under the pressure of the buttload.”
My first stop was Clearvue Vision Center for my annual vision exam. I have really, really been needing new glasses. My current pair is fractured at the temple due to being in constant contact with my enormous head, and they’ve been getting more and more loose, like a whore coming into her own. I’ve been having to push them up my nose constantly, and occasionally, when I look down, they plain fall off my face. I have been having nightmares about them falling off into the toilet, that is how badly I need new frames. I put getting frames off for a year, because I hated the selection at Pearl Optical and also the saleswoman was a pushy bitch, and I can’t reward that kind of jackassery with my money. Clearvue was an alltogether different sort of experience. Dr. Gelt was friendly and genuine, and even better, she told me I was now a candidate for lasik, given that my current prescription is four years old and my eyes had not changed much since then, so one of these days (not particularly soon), I will be able to see.
I don’t know if I’ve actually ever seen clearly on my own before in my life–I got my first pair of glasses in the second grade. My mom was volunteering at the school when they checked everyone’s eyes, and I remember being herded into her line and subsequently being so angry with her because it seemed to me that it was her fault that I couldn’t read the letters, and her getting angry with me because it seemed to her that my refusal to read them was an act of willful stupidity. I ended up with a pair of pink and purple glasses with a rhinestone butterfly on the corner of the frame. The principal loved them and always treated me like her favorite kid. It was on that day that I became a nerd.
Anyhow, the staff at Clearvue was very low-pressure, in fact, they didn’t even bring up a lens/frame purchase and left me to my own devices. I found a pair of frames that are like magic on my face, and I should have them in a few weeks, so I can finally kiss my toilet-dropping nightmares goodbye!
After the optometrist, I drove to SaltWorks in Woodinville to pick up some coarse Hawaiian salt for the Kalua pig I was making for Mardi’s 4th of July Luau. SaltWorks is way serious about salt. Apparently, it pays well, too.
Bill the Butcher was my next stop–I may not always be particularly choosy about what I put into my mouth, but when I’m feeding my friends, I want to feed them right, and Bill does it right. Their shop only works with small local farmers and ranchers who treat the animals humanely, and they are raised without the use of growth hormones, antibiotics, steroids, or genetically altered feed. While I, personally, don’t take issue with the idea of genetic modification of food*, particularly if it means greater yield that will prevent people worldwide from starvation, I do like the idea of supporting a business which believes in raising animals sustainably.
After I brought the meat home, I went to 99 Bottles to pick up some beer for the party–I particularly like 99 Bottles because I can try a variety, and if I end up hating something, I’m not stuck with another five to take up space in my fridge.
I was also on a mad quest for AquaNet for Tobie’s potato gun. As it’s no longer 1980, AquaNet is something of a rarity. The clerk at Sally Beauty looked appalled when I inquired about its existence, as if I’d just slapped her across the face, spit on her child, fed crack to her dog, and had a dong hanging out of my pants. Luckily for all of us, at Rite Aid, the 80s will never die.
*Monsanto and what they’re doing to the food industry, on the other hand…
Your pulled pork was one of the few things I got to eat that night.
Even cold it was delicious
I’m glad you liked it! The only thing I ended up eating was that pre-funk hotdog you cooked. I dunno what it is, there will be gatherings with all of this food and I never end up eating any of it. 🙁
UGH!! that hamburger I cooked was so bad…did you notice I didn’t cook a single thing again after that?
Pfft, like you didn’t have plenty to do even when NOT cooking!
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSsssssssssssssssssmmmmmmmm!
I’m sorry, but a “buttload” is $1000.
But…but…that’s such a limiting amount! 🙁
[this clip is much funnier if you actually have seen that movie, btw. if not, still, “i base that off this one time i shoved $5 in my butt, and not to brag or anything, but i could fit WAY MORE” is still hilarious.]
What movie is that?
2Ge+her – it was a movie made by MTV making fun of boybands (and themselves)
Bill is mere yards from my place. You didn’t come by!
I don’t know where your new place is!
I like the sound of that butchers – we have a farmers market near us every month, which means you can pick up great stuff, and save money as well.
Plus it always tastes a lot niver!
I am trying to be better-educated about where my food comes from–seafood in particular. Farmer’s markets are great places! 🙂
I was about to say I have a big problem with genetically modified food and go on a rant..but then I saw your star hehe. So yeah, don’t like Monsanto! Though I probably eat their stuff all of the time ehehe.
There’s a big difference between individuals like Norman Borlaug who had/have the best interests of people worldwide at heart (and through his research, has saved approximately a billion people from death by starvation) and companies who do GE crop research to turn a profit by crippling farmers.
Oh my gosh exactly! One can use technology in ethically responsible ways to do good things for humanity. Or… one can, you know, not. But the technology is value-neutral.
Also, going to recommend reading The Windup Girl, because 1) it’s fantastic and so far one of the best books I’ve read this year and 2) about genetically modified food in a terrifying future.
Neat! I will add that to my reading list, I could use a good book after the last couple of stinkers I’ve read. 🙂
Were you actually in Forks? Isn’t that way the fuck out on the peninsula? I think I went out there for some Boy Scouts shit when I was a kid and if I recall correctly, that was some fucking backcountry.
I have actually never been to Forks as it a backwater town in the middle of nowhere and I’m sure there’s even less to do there than there was in my backwater hometown. The Twitards who visit must be so disappointed.
Ahh, okay. I was not aware that it was a setting for Twilight.
What the fuck are vampires supposed to do up there during the summer when it’s light 18 hours a day?
That’s when they catch up on their reality shows.
I’m fairly certain you can find Aquanet in most dollar stores. Also, totally hitting up Bill the Butcher soon. I spotted it the other day and then your post popped up. I feel this is a sign!
A sign to consume delicious meats!
I ended up finding it at Rite-Aid, but I will keep the dollar store thing in the back of my mind, should I end up with more spud artillery on my hands.
Yay for the eating of delicious meats!
Lasik surgery? Is that the surgery where they cut a layer of your eyeball and pull it back WHILE YOU ARE AWAKE?!?!?!
I’m going to have eye pain the rest of the day hehe. 🙂
You must be very brave if you are indeed considering that.
*takes off imaginary hat*
Yeah, I figure they will have to strap me to a table that has been bolted to the floor to get me to sit there while they come at my eye, because the glaucoma test alone makes me reel away and hiss, but the end results will be worth it.
make sure you get an adequate dose of ativan, and about a 1/2 hr before.
Cool, thank you for the tip! 🙂
Worth it really? I guess it happens a lot, but I could never risk damage to my eyes to better my vision. I do need glasses though, I’m just loathe to get them because I don’t like anything touching my face. I don’t like wearing sunglasses so yeah.
I have a serious eye thing though. I could never wear contacts either and I refuse to let the eye doctors put those drops in my eyes that dilate your pupils. Last time I was at the eye doctor the lady was getting upset with me because I wouldn’t let her hehe. She left the room and told me she’d have to ask the doctor if he’d even bother with me. 😛
I am terribly squeamish about eyes, too. That scene at the end of Total Recall where Quaid’s eyes are bugging out of his head makes me cringe every time.
It used to be the glaucoma test was a puff of air, which was bad enough. Now, it involves drops that numb the eye and a rod that actually *touches* the eye and the examiner had to make about five attempts to get whatever reading she was looking for because I kept slooooowwwly backing away as she was advancing. “Please try to keep your forehead pressed against the rest.” “Su–nooooooooooooogethatthingawayfromme!”
it doesn’t hurt
Well yeah. But that doesn’t mean it’s any less scary.
scientific and statistical warehouse studies conducted by yours truly have determined that a “buttload” is “more than 30”
It’s possible I ran more than thirty errands. Not probable but possible.
Bill the Butcher is a local chain, and there is a lot of open question about just how ‘local’ and ‘organic’ they actually are.
http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2010/05/25/bill-the-butcher-responds-sort-of
Thanks for the heads-up, as with everything I will take the slog article with a grain of salt. The cut of meat I purchased was labeled with the farm it came from, for example.
As far as organic certification goes, it is a very expensive process. Just beause not everything goes through the organic certification process doesn’t mean it isn’t organic. It doesn’t mean it IS, either, but with the farm transparency, it’s less of an issue because you still know where your food is coming from.
Yeah, unfortunately all that blather about saving the world via genetic modification of food is crap. Instead they are driving indian and african farmers to suicide 🙁