In a world where two major name brand colas dominate the market, other would-be soda magnates have to try increasingly outrageous things to draw the attention of your average consumer. Rocket Fizz Soda Pop has attempted to capture the full range of the flavor spectrum in their sodas, from the more palatable sounding “Melba’s Fixins” to the more…uh…adventurous “Lester’s Fixins” offerings, two of which I recently spotted in the wild:

Pros: At least two parts of the food pyramid in one handy dandy package! It’s surprisingly difficult to find the nutritional information online but this is at least vegetarian and maybe even vegan so hey, it’s an all-inclusive flavor, you can have it for breakfast or dessert–anytime at all!

Cons: They tried to hide the fact that it’s artificial bacon with that shitty font and color and artificial bacon is the devil, it’s not like real bacon in soda form would be any better, artificial chocolate can be pretty wretched as well, stop trying to make bacon chocolate happen, I’m envisioning a chemicall-y smoky bitter yoo-hoo and I’m heaving a little

 Loading ...

Pros: What better thing to drink while you’re eating hot wings than a beverage that tastes like hot wings? Chicken without the hassle of chewing! A higher calorie way to drink your favorite condiment! Drink your lunch without getting fired!

Cons: What, no ranch…nevermind, nobody is going to put your photo up on the wall for this wing challenge, Lester’s soulless eyes reflect your thousand yard stare after opening your wallet and your gullet to his ruse

 Loading ...