Spotted in a gift shop on my trip to Colorado, I present to you: Mountain Dew Flavored Caramel Corn, for when you want all of the tooth-decay of “doing the dew” with added chewing.  Note that while this is Mountain Dew flavored popcorn, it does not actually contain Mountain Dew in its ingredients list, so you’re getting a knockoff. Plateau Droplets? Hill Sweat? Mound Moisture? I don’t know how you could get a proper soda flavor sans carbonation–without the carbonation, it seems like each piece has been carefully dipped in that uber-cloying soda fountain goo.

Pros: Now you can feel the urge to do parkour after eating as well as drinking, per serving, the popcorn is actually better (let’s not stretch it that far, I’ll go with “not as bad”) for you as the soda, maybe you have a vendetta against pepsico and enjoy sticking it to them a little

Cons: Soda fountain goo, inevitable hulls crammed up in your gums, the urge to do parkour, the whole point of drinking Mountain Dew is as a caffeine delivery system AND THIS HAS NO CAFFEINE, yellow #5, mouthful of “mound moisture”

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