Last night I went shopping for some new unmentionables. For as rarely as they’re seen by eyes other than mine, you wouldn’t think I could possibly be as picky about the whole process as I am. But you would be wrong. Oh, how you would be wrong!
In the course of events, I came up with a few suggestions for the manufacturers of funbag containers, over the shoulder boulder holders, titsacks, turret covers, “oh my god, I can’t believe this tiny piece of lace costs $60″, etc:
1)If a woman is 36 inches around, she’s probably going to have a cup size larger than an A or a B. It would be very helpful if you made bras to accommodate these needs. 36” around is not a specialty store size. Please stop treating it as such.
2)If you happen to actually make a bra with the requisite cup size, please make it the same style as the A and B cups. Cute, feminine, sparkly, lacy, whatever. I should not think of artillery when I look at your bra. I do not want to think of artillery when I take off my shirt unless I happen to have a gun strapped on under there or some sort of bitchin’ Howitzer tattoo.
3)Furthermore, if you happen to make a bra with the requisite cup size, please stop adding additional padding. If a lady is rocking a C or larger, she probably doesn’t need your foamy/gel/waterpack boost, as she’s got enough of her own material to work with. Also, foam/gels/waterpacks are totally cheating and smaller cup sizes shouldn’t get them, either.
As a side note (speaking of racks), I found some Pirates of the Caribbean pajamas on the clearance rack. What is better than waking up in the morning with Johnny Depp’s face on your crotch? NOTHING.
3) Thank you! I don’t like to false advertise.
I think that the most attractive thing is when a woman is happy with her breasts regardless of their size. When people wear padded bras, it speaks volumes about their insecurity.
Also, eventually the lie will be revealed unless the padder chooses to live in celibacy–in which case, what is the point of advertising in the first place, right?
AMEN!
Especially to the pjs.
Now if only I could wake up with Johnny Depp REALLY on my crotch.
…was that too far?
We need to trade shopping centers. I have the opposite problem. I am a 38A (because I have linebacker shoulders), and you know, good luck finding that shit.
Target just now started carrying them, and I am pleased.
However, I have noticed the tendency to only carry the cute stuff for the lower cup sizes, as my more boobtastic friends have had difficult getting the cute bras I get. This is not cool, bra industry. Stop it.
It would also be awesome if there was no padding in the A cups, because HELLO, I have small tits, I am fine with this, I DO NOT NEED TO LOOK LIKE I HAVE LARGE ONES. I call them armor bras, because when someone grabs my boob (I know Stormy, so there is a lot of mutual boobgrabbing going on), they get a fistful of armor, and no boob.
I sympathize–before the tiny Russian lady at Nordstroms felt me up and determined I was a 36C, I’d been buying 38Bs and 38 is a damn hard size to find.
Do you have Kohls in your area? I’ve always had success with them, and they have great sales on lady-things.
I’ve got a friend here who is much like Stormy–I pretty much get a mammogram every single time I see her. It is at those times I appreciate the armor-bra style!
All this boob talk. Whatever happened to throwing off the shackles of servitude and not wearing a bra. You ladies are throwing back the women’s liberation movement!
Now if only they made fashionable pants and shirts for semi-fatties like myself. I’m not huge, I wear a 42, that’s not that big for someone who is 6’5″ and not anorexic. I went to a shop the other day and asked if they had pants in a certain brand and the little guy at the counter looks at me and says “they don’t make clothes for people like you”…..
I wish LJ would stop eating my replies…
I personally don’t find it very liberating in terms of my self-image to have saggy boobs. Just sayin’.
I’d really like to make my own clothing line–fashionable clothes for real people. In fact, just as recently as a week ago I was looking at schools for fashion design online, but then I remembered that I’m really fond of the IDEA of school but not so much the realities of it. I figure it’s something that I can pick up easily enough on my own–seamstress work is seamstress work.
Re: I wish LJ would stop eating my replies…
I hate when my boobs sag.
Dude, thats why you need to try on clothes with a big defensive dude, so if some hideous girls try and talk shit, the big guy can rip their eyes out force them to swallow them so they chock on their own eyes and can watch as their throat closes and they slowly slip into death.
the guy at the unnamed store was so flamingly homosexual tht I couldn’t do anything because they would probably call it a hate crime.
I once was at a candy shop in colorado springs, and there was a selection of decorative boxes on the wall with a huge sign that said “pack your own fudge”
Re: I wish LJ would stop eating my replies…
Do you remember any more details of the location of this candy shop? I ask both for the loveliness of the sign, and because some nice fresh fudge would make dealing with my stepmother in Pueblo for a week a great deal more tolerable.
Re: I wish LJ would stop eating my replies…
It was in the northernmost mall on academy. I think they took the sign down when me and my brother started laughing and the guy asked what we were laughing about.
I’ve got a picture somewhere.
Re: I wish LJ would stop eating my replies…
Now that you have indicated that you have a picture, you are hereby required to post said picture.
As a side note, I found some Pirates of the Caribbean pajamas on the clearance rack.
Minus five points for not beginning that sentence with “Speaking of racks…” 🙂
No amount of points lost can make up for how disappointed I am in myself for not thinking of that.
please print a map with stores circled where aforementioned 36A bras reside. these 34’s are digging into my goddamn back.
us round ribcaged girls need to back each other up.
Check out Kohls. There’s one in Beaverton.
11055 S.W. Canyon Rd.
Beaverton, OR 97005
Phone: (503)350-0407
It’s amazing how much of a difference in how you feel 2 inches can make!
no shit. ouchy bras can ruin my day.
i don’t like padding either, though. blah.
Now, hang on. I am a boobtastic gal (36C, ususally, athankayou) and I COVET bras with extra padding. Lemme tell you why: demi bras with a little padding on the side does WONDERS for my clevage. I don’t need bigger boobs, I just need them a little smooshing without actually smooshing. It has nothing to do with my security, which as you know, I have oodles of. AND I don’t live in celebacy. I just like cleavage. A LOT.
I will press your head to my ample bosom when you come back to Wisconsin. I’ll change your mind about padding!
/rant.
I look forward to having you change my misconceptions. 😉