I went into Fred Meyer the other day and was taken a little aback by their entrance display. Not the “Baby your baby” sale. Look closer.
What are they trying to tell me about babies?!
“Stupid babies need the most attention!”
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“In doggy heaven, there are mountains of bones and you can’t turn around without sniffing another dog’s butt!”
I fixed all of the Napoleon-killed stuffed animals we had in the house today, sneaking them downstairs underneath my shirt (dogs are so stupid, he didn’t suspect a thing until I accidentally squeaked my new massive third breast) and gave them all to him at once.
He is the happiest dog in the world right now–he can’t decide which one to play with so he’ll run off with one only to come back to jealously guard the pile as if it might disappear at any moment and then select a new favorite.
Bow before the might of Mellzah, meatbags!
Way back in the days of Myspace, I made a friend who called himself “The King of Rad”–he added me because he wanted a robot in his top ten friends list, and in return, he wrote a song about me. And now I’ve discovered that there’s a video!
This is the happiest day of my robot life!