WHAT? I demand a recount! Somehow this ‘Obama’ character was elected instead of a swanky new Dildarian regime, which both shocks and appalls me. Clearly there was some voter fraud going on, because there wasn’t a single royal purple state on the map. WHO IS DISENFRANCHISING MY VOTERS? Your liberal media is sweeping my regime under the rug. You make me sick. SICK.
Now, instead of voting in the glory that is my mustache, you will have it thrust upon you at an unspecified time in a very unsexy manner, despite my usage of the word ‘thrust’.
You may want to take a moment to contemplate your fate, and learn the words to my totally inspirational theme song (which may eventually replace the national anthem, and as a bonus, is way easier to sing).
It goes a little something like this:
Bow before the might of Mellzah, meatbags Kneel before the new lord and master of the world She can shoot fire out of her grill (the front one) And she’s powered by booze and WD-40 She is a mystery in a riddle wrapped in a cardboard bo-ox
She is just a girl with massive delusions But if she’d just use her steely claws and steal old people’s medicine She might never have to turn back into a puny human…whooo
BOWS before the might of Mellzah, meatbags kneels before the new lord and master of the world She likes to sing karaoke (in bars) And she dances on the corpses of her enemies
She is a mystery in a riddle wrapped in a cardboard box:
MELLZAH.
