“Tom Bombadil is a merry fellow! Bright Blue his jacket is, and his boots are yellow!”

December 13, 2012 2 Comments read Movies

Now that The Hobbit is in theaters, I’m sure there will be some new omission to complain about (although with a book so short spread across three films, I’m fairly certain that even Tolkien’s toast crumbs on the original manuscript will appear in at least one of the three films, and maybe even have a starring role!), but there are some among you (nerds, mostly) who have never gotten over the fact that Tom Bombadil never appeared in the Lord of the Rings films. Well, prepare to have your elfin hair blown back, nerds, because in my pre-Hobbit rewatching of the trilogy, I caught a flash of…something out of the corner of my eye:

TOM. MOTHERLOVIN’. BOMBADIL. On his way to bore your tits off.

Peter Jackson, we never should have doubted you.

“We fixed the glitch. So he won’t be receiving a paycheck anymore. So it’ll just work itself out naturally.”

August 23, 2012 Comments Off read Makeup

Earlier this year, I aided with some makeup and SFX work on a project that I couldn’t really talk about. Now I can: that project was Glitch, and they’ve just released their pilot episode to the general public–they should be releasing new episodes biweekly. I was not involved with the pilot at all, but some sort of Mellzah Dildarian credit should pop up in future episodes…so there’s my immortality, eh? I may also be visible as an extra in a scene or two, but hopefully not, because I am the worst actress in the history of acting–my tongue is jammed too firmly in my cheek to ever be anything other than embarrassing to watch. Those who can, do. Those who can’t, apply makeup…or something.

Aside from helping to fund the city of Seattle by receiving multiple parking tickets while on the job (How do you block an unmarked crosswalk? IT’S UNMARKED! Next you’ll be telling me I didn’t stop for the invisible stop sign!), I helped get the actors camera-beautiful and aided where I could around set. Some days, I was powdering noses. Other days, I was creating wicked-awesome scars and helping to transform (young and beautiful) Brian Sutherland into a variety of different old men. I even did a bit of wig-styling, from which the wig will surely never recover! And I’m not the only one who thought I did a good job! From the desk of the director, Tyler J. Hill: “Mellzah Dildarian needs also to be thanked, for her help with the makeup, who brought some FX wizardry into the mix and pulled some stuff off that had worried me until she arrived. But also, Mellzah was just there, so much, giving her time and energy and helping out wherever she could.” I’M A WIZARD, HARRY!

I had tons of fun working on the show, I met a lot of really incredible people, and I feel really fortunate to have been looped in on the project. I hope that it gets picked up for a second season, selfishly, to give me more work, but unselfishly because everyone worked really hard and I think it’s going to be a fun show–I’ve never seen a script so I have no idea how the whole thing is going to turn out…I’ll be finding out along with you! So far it seems to be a great big love letter to nerd culture, and I couldn’t be happier about it.

While we wait to learn the fate of Glitch, Samus, and Wyatt, I have a few behind the scenes photos and a video of makeup that I worked on that I can post. Enjoy!

“Bring me my legs.”

June 4, 2012 3 Comments read Movies, Reviews

This year is turning into “the year of the movie in the theater” for me. Usually, my drive to see a movie is lower than my drive to avoid being surrounded by humanity and their cell phone lights and rustling wrappers, but not this year: Avengers, Cabin in the Woods, Prometheus, The Dark Knight Rises, The Expendables 2, The Hobbit, Snow White and the Huntsmen…and Piranha 3DD. This last one I had fully intended to see on Sunday when I discovered that it was not playing in a single theater near me. And not “not playing in the theater five minutes from the house” near me: not playing within 80 miles of me. Not playing at all, anywhere in this state. All in all, Piranha 3DD is only playing in 75 theaters nationwide. In order to see Piranha 3DD in the theater, I’d have to grab a passport, hop on a ferry, and watch it in Victoria B.C.: Canada coming through where the United States has clearly failed me.

Now, I almost considered it–a ridiculous trip for what was sure to be a ridiculous movie, plus Canada has delicious candy, but I also took a moment to investigate any other options. If I had Comcast, I could watch it via OnDemand, but Jason and I both think it’s stupid to pay for cable tv when it’s mostly comprised of wretched made-for-TV movies, 30 year old movies with anything remotely interesting edited out, home shopping, commercials, and infomercials. I could pay to watch it through Facebook or YouTube, but watching it on a relatively small screen with notifications blinking at me felt less than ideal. Then Jason discovered that we could stream it through Xbox Live: WE HAVE A WINNER.

It was worth every second of hassle. I truly don’t understand why it’s getting such negative reviews–yes, critics are practically required to hate horror-comedies because the genre doesn’t beautifully depict the human condition via a plastic trash bag blown to and fro by a capitalist wind, but that’s not the job of the horror-comedy. The horror-comedy’s job is to beautifully depict the human condition via the juxtaposition of blood and fake boobs. Sex, death, and fart jokes: the holy trifecta.

Piranha 3DD hits every single one of its targets–ridiculous monsters, great gore FX, delightfully stupid people, and a number of moments in which I was desperately sad that we weren’t watching in 3D as this is a movie that hearkens back to classic 3D tactics, none of this tasteful Avatar 3d where “You forget that you’re watching a 3D movie.” NO. This is campy magic, and I’m sure it’s even more magical when it’s thrust into your face. Riotously funny, at one point I commented to Jason that I was having difficulty deciding whether this was the movie of the year or the movie of the decad-BAM. Annoying child decapitation: MOVIE OF THE CENTURY.