via Edible Anus

“Rings of succulent chocolate cast and crafted from the posterior of our stunning butt model.” That pretty much sums it up, from the makers of other high-quality items like “pop out poo cards” and washcloths with the word “cuntface” embroidered on them. Some poor soul agreed to have their butthole molded for the sake of chocolate, and evidently other people will eat it.

Pros: It’s possibly made with decent chocolate, comes in dark, milk, and white chocolate so there’s something for everyone, supposedly what made britain great (surely not just a marketing slogan)

Cons: Anus shape, it’s designed to be distasteful so how good could it taste, I am so highly suggestible that no matter what flavor I tried it would smell and taste like poop to me, cast from an actual bootyhole, the texture you feel on your tongue is stranger anus, I don’t even like looking at my dog’s butt and I love him, not just dark, milk, and white chocolate but “meek milk” “dilated dark” and “tight white” oh god I am vomiting already

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via Maple Lodge Farms

I know what you’re thinking: This is what’s wrong with America. But you’re wrong. This baby is Canada’s fault. Maybe they learned it from watching us, I don’t know. Either way, it’s a sliced chocolate eclair stuffed with a hot dog, covered in whipped cream and sprinkles. I don’t know if it also contains the standard eclair custard, and frankly, I’m not sure it matters.

Pros: You get your meal and your dessert at one low price, it certainly looks…festive, America finally not taking the blame for once

Cons: Might not have eclair custard, might have eclair custard, sweet cream and hot dog intermingling in your mouth

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Presented for your approval: Chocolate Chip Cookie Sparking Water, the beverage that will probably make you wish you’d spent your money on an actual cookie instead. I watched a video of a man trying this and he described it as “not the worst I’ve ever had in my life…but it’s pretty close” and “I don’t know if I would call it chocolate chip. I remember in grade school when I did this science experiment thing where we had owl pellets…that owl pellet is what this kind of tastes like.”

Pros: It’s zero calorie so it could be an all the time food as opposed to real cookies which are now a “sometimes food”, way easier than liquefying cookies to make into your own cookie beverage, this could be the first time in your life that you’ve hydrated with cookies, technically chocolate in drinking form is trying it the way it used to be consumed

Cons: No self-respecting Maya would drink this, there’s no way the aftertaste on this is anything other than regret, fake chocolate is nigh-universally awful, post-sparkling beverage burps allowing you to taste it again and again and again, did you not see that it tastes like owl pellets?

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