Masticating with Mellzah: A Burger With Lots of Lettuce

May 27, 2014 Comments Off read Attractions, Masticating With Mellzah, Pacific, Travel, USA, Washington, West

It’s the exterior of places like Fat Smitty’s in Discovery Bay, WA, that draw me in because I’m a sucker for chainsaw carvings and California Raisins, but even the kitschy exterior can’t prepare you for the interior: hundreds (possibly thousands) of marked-up dollar bills are pinned to every surface and hanging from the ceiling. The atmosphere they create is a bit uncomfortable, as even in the bright of the day, the room feels dark, dirty, and almost claustrophobic. However, we were hungry, and despite the atmosphere, Fat Smitty’s has a reputation for good burgers, so we stayed. We each ordered the Fat Smitty burger, though we should have taken more notice of the giant burger outside and planned on splitting one–when it lands in front of you, it feels like a 1:1 scale replica.

Hearthstone Fireside Friends

May 20, 2014 Comments Off read (f)Art, Masticating With Mellzah

If you haven’t heard of Hearthstone, it’s a free-to-play collectible card game made by Blizzard. Recently, they released an app so you could play on ipad, and also announced “Fireside Friends” gatherings–official gatherings where people could meet up and play with one another, and those who participated would be given a special card back to show everyone that they have real-life friends. Well, screw that noise. I don’t have a laptop OR an ipad, and since it looks like they won’t be developing a Windows RT app any time soon (or ever, which is a shame, because it would be so much fun to play Hearthstone in my hammock instead of at a desk), I decided to host a Fireside Friends gathering at my house so I could actually play without lugging my PC around like I’m still living in the heyday of the LAN party.

To commemorate this occasion, I made some themed food with modified Hearthstone card labels, because theme parties are my jam and it’s a sad day when I can’t photoshop a joke about balls.

It’s also not a party without a fart joke.

I had never made spring rolls before. They were such a pain that I may never make them again.

These are grapes wrapped in goat cheese and toasted pistachios and they are amazing.

I was so not lying about having a cotton candy machine.

We had fun, got our card backs, and best of all, we didn’t have to interact with strangers. If you play Hearthstone, add me as a friend! My BattleTag is DrStinkbeard#1437.

North America’s Largest Hedge Maze

May 15, 2014 4 Comments read Attractions, Masticating With Mellzah, Pacific, Travel, USA, Washington, West

I’ve been through a number of corn mazes, but The Berry Barn was my first-ever hedge maze experience, and as it is reportedly the largest in North America, it was a worthwhile challenge. It’s not the largest overall maze I’ve been through, but it’s still impressive given the amount of time, effort, and care it takes to grow a maze this size, unlike the single season it takes corn mazes. A hedge maze has a sense of permanence. It feels like the sort of place you could easily envision an angry minotaur stalking behind you. It’s the sort of maze I’d like to build around my house to deter all but the most determined of solicitors.

And Bumbles bounce!

Throughout the maze, they had word games, quizzes, and berry rubbings so you’d know if you’d seen everything there was to see in the maze. There was also an excellent slide.

And around one corner…pedo bear.

The hedge maze was fun, the rope maze was fun, and they have a number of good things for sale in their shop including some excellent ice cream…but the very best thing about The Berry Barn is their pie. This warm from the oven Bumbleberry pie is the best pie I have ever eaten in my entire life, and I have eaten a pie or three in my time. It’s worth the drive for the pie alone. Jason and I almost had a plastic knife fight over the last bite, it was that good.

Ewww. And I thought the name “honey bucket” was gross. I’ll hold it until I get home.