Category Masticating With Mellzah

A Tour of the Theo Chocolate Factory

October 27, 2014 2 Comments read Attractions, Masticating With Mellzah, Pacific, Travel, USA, Washington, West

The air outside the Theo chocolate factory smells amazing, like the entirety of Fremont has been enrobed in chocolate. It’s entirely possible that’s why the topiary dinosaur across the street is missing its face: it sniffed the air so hard that its nose plain fell off. That’s how good the air smells. There is no Theo waiting inside the door to show you around like Willy Wonka–Theo Chocolate isn’t named after a person, but rather the Theobroma Cacao plant from which their beans are derived. Theo is a bean-to-bar chocolate company, which means that while they don’t grow their own plants (save for one sad Charlie Brownesque tree in the factory), they do roast the beans themselves so they have more control over the end result.

On the tour, after you are properly outfitted for food safety (hairnets, beard nets, and for those who didn’t wear closed-toe shoes, foot nets), they lead you into a room where they educate you a little about where the beans come from, how the pods grow, and let you taste some of the bars they sell, from dark to milk, with a variety of inclusions. Visitors were encouraged to ask any questions that they might have at this stage, and our delightfully smart-assed tour guide did his best to answer them all. One kid asked if the cacao pod shown to the group was real, and the guide looked aghast. “Of course it’s real! I don’t even know where I’d get a fake one, maybe I just need to go to the fake cacao pod section of Spencer Gifts…” He was not able to answer my question, which was “What does the cacao fruit taste like?” He said he’d heard it tastes really sweet, somewhat like cotton candy, and then suggested that when we fill out our reviews of the tour that since he wasn’t able to answer this question, that maybe it would be helpful to send him to Equador to plant some cacao trees. So, here goes: Dear Theo Chocolate, I think it would be a good idea to send your employees to help work on the cacao farms and plant some trees so that they may have a richer understanding of the entire process. Dear tour guide: If you get to go now, you’re welcome, and please send a postcard.

After we’d tried the chocolate and asked our preliminary questions, we were taken into the factory proper and taught more about what the bean-to-bar process entails. Once the pods have been harvested, the high sugar content in the fruit ferments starting some kind of enzyme process (SCIENCE! As long as you ask no follow-up questions whatsoever, yes, I understand this process completely.) on their way to the Theo factory. Once the beans arrive, they’re run through the destoning machine, which cleans the exterior of the beans. The beans are then roasted, which is the process by which the beans develop their flavor–a result of the Maillard reaction, which is the term for when amino acids and sugars chemically react and give browned foods their desirable flavor characteristics. The reaction creates new flavor compounds that wouldn’t otherwise be present. Think browned butter, seared steaks, and toast, and how differently they taste from regular butter, boiled meat, and soft fresh bread. That same reaction is happening in the cacao bean, helping to make it delicious. From there, the beans are deposited into the winnower, which separates the husks from the cocoa nibs.I keep wanting to refer to the winnower as the “widowmaker”, which may mean I need to step away from the schlocky movies and terrible fantasy books for a while.

We tried a few nibs, and at this point, they mostly taste like really bitter chocolate. The guide told us that another guide says to his groups that they have a hint of banana flavor, but that he doesn’t like to influence people’s opinions–it’s funny, as soon as he said “banana”, I could taste banana. The brain is weird, powerful, and highly suggestible! After the beans go through the winnower, the husks are discarded, and the nibs are ground into a paste by a stone mill. The paste is then shuttled through a ball mill, which reduces the size of the cocoa solids, creating the smooth texture that we associate with chocolate. This is the point at which the mixture can be pressed to separate the chocolate liquor from the cocoa butter to make a variety of different products–however, since Theo makes chocolate bars, that doesn’t happen here.

Once the chocolate has a smooth texture, it’s put into a mixer with sugar. If they’re making milk chocolate, milk powder is added as well. I had always thought that the factories added fresh milk or cream to create milk chocolate, but in retrospect, milk powder makes a lot more sense since it’s shelf stable and consistent by volume and whatnot. After the chocolate is done in the mixer, it’s sent to the refiner, which reduces the particle size of the sugar to give it an even smoother texture. After the refiner, it’s put into a conche, which reduces acid through circulation and oxidation and promotes further flavor development, and once it’s out of the conche, it’s at this point that it’s basically a river of drinkable delicious chocolate.

From the conche, the chocolate goes to a holding tank, where it may sit for a little while or get used up in a day, depending on production. Once they’re ready to use the chocolate, it goes into a tempering machine. Tempering is what gives chocolate its glossy finish. If it isn’t tempered properly, it will look dull with a whitish film and may not be solid at room temperature. After the chocolate has been tempered, it’s ready for any inclusions: mint, chai, curry, bacon…whatever they want to add. The inclusions are weighed before being added so that they’re consistent from bar to bar, from batch to batch. If the chocolate’s destiny is to be made into a bar, the chocolate is then poured by hand into the depositer, which pours the chocolate precisely into molds. The molds are placed in a cooling tunnel which keeps the fats bonded and happy while the bars harden. Once they’re solidified, they go through the wrapping machine which packages them for sale. If the chocolate is not going into a bar, after the tempering machine, it’s sent off into the kitchen for other delicious Theo products: s’mores, truffles, toffee, and more. I had an earl grey truffle that was out of this world, and I brought some home and shared them with Jason even though I really, really, really didn’t want to. That’s how good they were, my inner Gollum wanted to hoard them away.

Burning sugar to top truffles

Making ganache

After the tour wraps up, you’re given an “I took the tour” bar of chocolate and set loose in the Theo factory store, where you can buy all of the chocolate you ever wanted, and try even more samples if you’re up for it. Not only do they have their entire retail line for sale, but they also have a number of small experimental batches, like basil chocolate, and their seasonal sweets and truffles as well. For $10, you could hardly spend a better hour if you’re at all interested in the chocolate-making process!

See you in space, Mr. Machete: The Lucha Libre Taco Shop

October 22, 2014 Comments Off read California, Everything is Terrible, Masticating With Mellzah, Pacific, Travel, USA, West

I wanted to love Lucha Libre. I wanted to love it a lot. First things first: look at that zaniness! LOOK AT IT. I appreciate a fine meal in a themed restaurant, and I appreciate it even more when a primary component of that meal is wrapped in a tortilla. My dad had even heard that Lucha Libre’s food was better than El Indio, and in San Diego, those are fighting words, so I was definitely excited to try it.

For the primo experience, I decided to reserve the Champion’s Booth for our group: a gilded booth where should you find yourself in need of anything, you ring a bell. The rules are that you have to make a reservation for it 24 hours in advance, which is relatively easy compared to the brackets of fighting it normally takes to be called a champion. When I called to make a reservation, they said I had to make the reservation online. Ok, no big deal, this is the age of smartphones and I have access to the internet just about everywhere, so I went to their website and filled out the reservation form. Unlike opentable, they don’t tell you on the site which slots are available (if any) on your selected date, you just fill out a form with your name, phone number, email address, date, and time you want to attend. I selected 8pm for the next day and expected to be contacted in some way to let me know if the date and time I’d selected was confirmed or unavailable or something. My phone never rang. I didn’t get any email, and eventually I decided to buy tickets for Rise of the Jack o Lanterns instead for that night since I hadn’t heard anything and had to assume that we didn’t have a reservation. I was on vacation with a limited amount of time in the area, I didn’t have time to dink around and wait for a call that might never (and in fact, didn’t) come.

We decided to go to Lucha Libre a couple of days later and skip the Champion’s Booth, but at least try the food and check out the restaurant. When we ordered, I decided to ask why I’d never heard about my reservation, and they apologized and said that sometimes the confirmation email goes to the spam folder. I felt like an idiot–why didn’t I check my spam folder*? Between all of us, we ordered a couple of california burritos, one nutty burrito, some rolled tacos, and a quesadilla. I bought a fountain drink because Orange Bang is delicious, and we all hit up their salsa bar. The overall consensus was…not good. The nutty burrito had a peanut sauce which was expected (and desired), but it also came with a really weird curry flavor. I’m generally down with curry but as it turns out, not in burrito form. The beans were kind of flavorless, as were the roasted vegetables. The california burritos were ok, but didn’t compare favorably with El Indio. And the Orange Bang dispensed from the machine at room temperature, which was so not good for a number of reasons, the least of which is that there’s egg, milk, and fruit juice in there and precisely zero of those things are good at room temperature. The whole experience was overall disappointing. Kitsch might get me through the door, but there needs to be something of substance there to get me to come back, and that just isn’t there at Lucha Libre. Qué triste.

*When I got home, I checked my spam folder and there was nothing there from the restaurant, so something clearly went wrong somewhere, but at least I didn’t leave them hanging by making a reservation and not showing up.

Evil Is Not A Scientific Word: The Jekyll & Hyde Club

September 15, 2014 Comments Off read Attractions, Masticating With Mellzah, New York, Northeast, Travel, USA

When I talked about my upcoming trip to New York, my polite friends would inevitably inquire what sights were on the docket, and were generally perplexed when the first words that came out of my mouth were “I’m going to the horror Chuck E. Cheese!” The look of confusion in their eyes would say everything. “Isn’t that just the regular Chuck E. Cheese?” “You’re going to a city with the best restaurants in the world and you’d choose Chuck E. Cheese?” “I bet the horror is what you find in the ball pit.” “What’s wrong with you?”

In some ways, The Jekyll & Hyde Club is the horror Chuck E. Cheese, but it’s also so much more: if Chuck E. Cheese and an English library and freak show shared a magical evening and somehow split their DNA three ways and had a baby, The Jekyll & Hyde Club would be that baby. Unlike Chuck E. Cheese, the animatronic parts of the restaurant were created much more recently than the 1970s, and they’re creepy in an enjoyable way, not a “I can’t believe they’d let that dusty half-rotted material jerk around near food intended for human consumption” way. No detail was neglected: the servers dressed like Victorian-era butlers, complete with bowler hats, every seat in the house was near something interesting to look at (unlike the sequestered mine area in Casa Bonita), there was even a secret entrance to the restrooms through the fireplace and down a book-lined corridor, AND in said restrooms sometimes a face would pop out at you in the mirror like the Bloody Mary nightmares of your childhood sleepovers….good thing you’d already let go of your bowels just minutes earlier! The eyes in some portraits would move. Other portraits would morph over time–sometimes it would look like a standard portrait, sometimes the subject would blink, slowly erupt in boils, his face would twist in pain, or the shadow of a tarantula would start crawling across. It was excellent. Truth be told, this place looks exactly how I’d decorate my house if I had infinite money and no one to tell me no. Except I’d also have a dinosaur room.

I was seated opposite this, so I had a lot of time to watch these most-excellent moving portraits.

Sometimes the pharoah would talk!

Frankly, I’ve seen a few dolls that are scarier than this.

What I didn’t know was that the Jekyll & Hyde Club also contained its own haunted house: The Chamber of Horrors. If I hadn’t already decided to visit, this would have sealed the deal for me. Objectively, it’s not the best haunted house I’ve ever been to–it was fairly evident that there were only a few employees working inside and they relied overly much on the room being pitch black for scares. However, just having the place to ourselves was enough to make it better than our experience at Halloween Horror Nights Orlando : it’s hard to be scared with a line of bros penguin walking with their arms around their girlfriends in front of you. I don’t know how the experience would change when the restaurant is full. The night that we went was relatively dead and we were some of the last people through the maze before it closed for the night.

They also put on combination live/animatronic show every so often (Every hour? Two hours? We only saw one while we were there, so it’s not often enough to be obnoxious) that was definitely Frankensteinian in nature, not Jekyll and Hyde. Not that I’m complaining! The show was entertaining, the actors looked like they were having fun, and the audience was definitely into it, which are all important elements to keep it from from feeling sad and awkward.

It’s weird to talk about a restaurant and not mention the food, right? I went in with really low expectations, because restaurants in this category rarely make food that you feel enthusiastic about eating, and I ended up being more than pleasantly surprised, as was Jason. Granted, the things that we ordered were hard to mess up (a Memphis burger and a margherita pizza, respectively), neither one of us have food critic tendencies, and we were both quite hungry, so a boiled shoe probably would have been acceptable at that point in time as long as it was a large one. Still, I would say that it outclasses many of its theme restaurant peers. As far as prices go, I didn’t find it shockingly expensive save for the stupid-expensive drink I ordered ($20!!! In USD! For a drink that didn’t get me drunk!)–in general, the prices seem in line with other theme restaurants. They do tack on a $3 “entertainment fee” per person which is a little annoying, but seems reasonable by comparison to Casa Bonita‘s insistence that no one may enter without purchasing an entire meal. Neither would be preferable, but ultimately $3 is negligible. The Chamber of Horrors isn’t included in that $3 fee, it comes at an additional charge which varies depending on whether or not you’re dining at the restaurant.

I would say that the biggest downsides to the Jekyll and Hyde club are that it’s in Times Square (which is all-around horrible unless you are a fundamentally different sort of person who enjoys massive crowds of people wandering aimlessly and excruciatingly slowly in a mall filled with stores you have at home and advertisements flashing at you on all sides…it’s like walking in a stinky, annoying, pop-up banner), the seats all have arms which make them difficult to climb into when you’re butted back to back with another customer, and your experience is wholly dependent on how much effort the employees are willing to put forth into their performances. None of these caveats would prevent me from going back, should I find myself in NYC at some point in the future. In fact, I think Casa Bonita has a serious contender for the title of “most exciting restaurant in the world.”