Trick or treat, smell my feet

January 24, 2008 7 Comments read Everything is Terrible

I’ve been enjoying the hell out of my gym membership, and things are going the way I hoped they would–the combination of the exercise plus actually eating throughout the day as opposed to one large meal at night has put me on a much more even keel. It’s all well and good that my coworkers can go all day without eating, but this little experiment has shown me that I do and feel much better when I don’t follow their lead. Any improved fitness is just a chichi bonus to FEELING better; not so much like a snarling tiger all the time. The next step is to get myself to a doctor to see if I need to go back on thyroid medication, and from there on it should be smoooooth sailing.

Last night I did a few fitness classes in a row (I find them to be more engaging than the equipment, at least for now)–first up was the pretty pretty ballerina dance class, then salsa, then power yoga. The salsa instructor kept saying “Oh, it’s SUPER CUTE when you move your arms this way when you dance” and I couldn’t help but laugh–I am focusing way too hard on not tangling my legs and falling over to have any brain cells left over for trying to look cute. I can safely say she was the ONLY one who looked cute and springy while doing this dance; the rest of us looked confused and irritable while we labored through the complicated movements. You know what I bet was SUPER CUTE? The thoughts other people were having about me when I took my shoes off immediately after the dance class for yoga.

Radio by losers, for losers.

January 10, 2008 11 Comments read Everything is Terrible

Sometimes when I drive home late at night, I make the mistake of turning on the Tom Leykis show. I always, always end up wanting to punch him in his ugly face. Tonight, he was talking about how fat women will only ever date losers, because they can’t take the forks out of their mouths–that rich, successful men like himself date young, hot women because they’d never choose to date a fat one.

Fine. Choice is choice. But Leykis should recognize that the only reason he’s attracting those young, hot women is because he has money–it’s not that he’s choosing THEM, they’re choosing HIS WALLET. He certainly doesn’t have anything to offer in the looks department; one might even say he has a face for radio. Also, looking at a recent picture, that dude ALSO needs to lay down the fork.

So yeah, I’d like to punch him, but I’m afraid he’d eat my hand.

Ho Ho Ho and a bottle of Work Time Fun

December 25, 2007 18 Comments read Everything is Terrible

This Christmas, my dad got me a copy of ‘Work Time Fun’, which bills itself as ‘SUPER FUN JOB GAME’. I was pretty freaking excited. ‘Work Time Fun’ abbreviates to WTF, and that’s certainly THE EXACT PHRASE that flitted through my mind when I opened up the sealed case to discover there was no game inside. Is this some sort of Japanese existential joke? ‘Make-a you own work time fun; hai!’ Or did Amazon want to teach me a lesson, given all of my rants about the super-commercialization of christmas? If so, well played, Amazon. Well played.

Also, if Napoleon wasn’t a total camerawhore, you’d be able to see the mystery present my grandma got for me–not booze, or porn, or guns, but awesome nonetheless; a sewing machine! No more sewing things by hand? SWEET.