Hello, and welcome to today’s lesson: The RSVP. These are four letters you’ll often see at the bottom of an invitation for a social gathering; they stand for the French phrase ‘Répondez s’il vous plaît‘. This indicates that your hosts have requested a timely reply from you regarding your intentions to attend said social gathering, yes or no. An invitation bearing the postscript ‘Regrets only’ only requires a response from you should you find yourself unable to attend.

Your hosts have thought kindly enough of you to wish to include you in their planned event; it is your duty to extend them the same courtesy so as not to cause them undue stress in terms of food, favors, and seating arrangements.

Times have changed, and people are busier than ever before, however, rules of etiquette still apply. Hosts requesting an RSVP require a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer, not a ‘maybe’. Replying with a ‘maybe’ is insulting; either you can commit to attend, or you cannot. A ‘maybe’ is akin to informing your hosts that you might attend unless something better comes along, which, as you might well imagine, is very nearly the height of rudeness.

When you receive an invitation out of the hosts’ warm wishes for your company and you choose to ignore it, be warned that your hosts may not think to include you the next time, as you’ve quite clearly indicated that you do not think as fondly of your hosts’ company.

If life interferes, if weather conditions don’t permit travel, if transportation issues arise, it is important to notify your hosts of your inability to attend so that they do not hold up the proceedings on account of someone who will not be arriving.

As in all things, it pays to be courteous to your hosts. They are expending time and money on your account, and there may come a time where you would certainly appreciate the same courtesy in return.

Apparently some girl named Karalee Buttroof* is in some serious legal trouble in Orange County, and like the adult she is, gave the authorities my work cell number, which has been ringing off the hook and getting filled with vaguely-threatening messages. I, for one, am pretty impressed at the amount of information they’ll hand out over the phone, even after I’ve made it clear that I’m not the Buttroof they’re looking for.

*HAHAHAHA