Last night, I logged into Myspace for that brief moment to do my Internet Detective work. In those few minutes, I received this message:
Totally off the wall I know, but if I were to pay u 800 or something would you let me have a go at ur feet?
no disrespect!
just curious on what you would say
Please help me draft a reply. ‘Hell yes’ is not only unacceptable, but also boring.
“Dear Melissa,
Jurassic Fight Club: Season 1: Disc 1 was not available from your local shipping center. Fortunately, it was available from a shipping center in another part of the country. It’s on its way and should arrive within 3 to 5 days.
You’ll notice we also recently sent the next available DVD from your Queue to enjoy while Jurassic Fight Club: Season 1: Disc 1 makes its way to you.
Your Queue now shows this extra DVD rental. Enjoy.”
Oh, Netflix. All the nasty things I said about you yesterday behind your back because I wasn’t receiving my DVD about dinosaurs fighting and was instead receiving a mopey drama that I wasn’t in the mood for…forgotten. I’m sorry, baby. Let’s never fight again. Unless it’s with dinosaurs.
Hoooooooooooooooooooooooly shit. So, earlier today, my coworker ran out of the building with yet another “I’vegottogoI’llbebacktomorrow”. Guess what it was this time? Previous editions have included:
*Sister with infected vagina from heroin *’What’s Eating Gilbert Grape’ Mother with leg through stairs *Son with migraine (one of these things is not like the others, one of these things just doesn’t belong…)
This time…..her 19 year old daughter who had a baby not all that long ago announced she’s getting married to the father of the baby in August…but she’s wearing an engagement ring from the father’s cousin, whom she also claims to love. I cannot WAIT for this to be on Jerry Springer. Oh please, let this be on Jerry Springer.