Category Attractions

And to drink…meatballs.

2 Comments read Attractions, Masticating With Mellzah, Midwest, Ohio, Travel, USA

It’s dinnertime. You’re in Columbus, Ohio. You may have just had a single hour of free time for the first time in a week, and you and your boyfriend decided to use it to get pleasantly hammered after his parents indicated that they might like to move in with you at some point in the future. You’re hungry. Not just regular hungry. Drunk hungry. The sort of hungry that practically compels you to make bad decisions. It’s the perfect time to order the Thurmanator from the Thurman Cafe. Food challenges always intrigue me. Maybe it has something to do with my inability to eat in front of strangers, or perhaps I just love a good trainwreck, but I adore eating competitions. I could watch the Nathan’s Famous hot dog competition once a month. Many competitive eaters are attractive people with colorful personalities, and I like that, too. When in a proper mood, I can consume frighteningly large quantities of food, but even drunk hungry, I knew I was no match for the Thurmanator challenge: consume a burger with a pound and a half of ground beef plus ham, sauteed mushrooms, grilled onions, mozzarella, cheddar, and american cheeses, bacon, lettuce, tomatoes, banana peppers, pickles, and mayo, including all the fries, in under an hour. Jason and I split it, and it was still a monster. A MONSTER.

There’s simply no way to get it all in your mouth in a bite, unless you have the capability to unhinge your jaw like a snake, which I have long-suspected some of the IFOCE eaters can do. I cannot, so I ate it piecemeal with a knife and fork which was a new and startling level of decorum for me. So how did we do? We each managed to eat our own half of the burger, plus the side, plus an appetizer of fried pickles plus a beverage apiece. Not too shabby, but still not major league eating material. Each time the car hit a bump on the way home, I was fairly certain my stomach would rupture, so if you try this, maybe skip the appetizer. Maybe.

Aren’t we forgeting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa.

1 Comment read Attractions

Recently, we visited Kent for their annual Santa parade, a block-long extravaganza that coincides precisely with the length of my attention span for parades. First came the girl scouts, flinging candy canes at paradegoers as hard as they could throw overhand. I, for one, have never been more appreciative of our patriarchal society that discourages girls from participating in sports and thus developing their muscles and aim. Next came Darth Vader, some stormtroopers and a few Jedi warriors, then came a few festive alpacas, and last but not least came Santa riding in on a fire truck. Santa hobbled out of the truck aided by a cane, was presented with the key to the city, and proceeded to light the Christmas tree. We celebrated Santa’s arrival with gyros and festive liquor, and then we were off to our second holiday spirit event of the day: the Christmas tree house.

The owners of the Christmas tree house traditionally decorate 10-14 Christmas trees every year, and open their home to visitors one day during the holiday season as part of a food drive. I was lucky enough to be invited this year, and it truly was a spectacle. Beautiful trees covered with thousands of ornaments in a gorgeous home–and the ornaments on display only comprise a fraction of their total collection. My photos can’t even begin to do it justice.

Of course, it makes my little charlie brown tree at home seem extra sad, but other than that single downside, it was a beautiful way to kick off the holiday season. I hope I am invited again next year!

The Bigfoot Diet: Pork Chops Aplenty!

3 Comments read (f)Art, Attractions, Pacific, Travel, USA, Washington, West

Anacortes: a town with the world’s second best fish and chips, smoked salmon phone cards, and more Sasquatch paintings than you can shake a stick at. The first Sasquatch came as a surprise. “Stop the car and look at that house!” A Sasquatch bid welcome, while an attack cat warned us to keep our distance and a mermaid floated further off indifferently. We parked the car and found more on our way to a restaurant–a Sasquatch couple, the lady of the pair holding a strategically placed flower. A Sasquatch peddling juice. A Sasquatch clutching a painter’s palette. When we found ourselves in a ceramics-painting coffee shop, what else could have served as our subject?

I began thinking about the lady Sasquatch and her carefully placed flower, and inspiration struck. While my painting skills fall somewhat short of Botticelli’s, my “Birth of Sasquatch” spoon rest will bring a touch of class to my kitchen. After we were finished, we left the pieces with the shop owner to be fired and asked if we needed to leave our names in order to pick them up–he took one look at our subject matter and figured he’d be able to keep them together without any difficulty.

I can’t wait to see them after they’ve been fired. While our masterpieces are not for sale, you can see more Anacortes sasquatch art and buy your own giant sasquatch at the artist Christine Olsen’s website.