Eddie Izzard recently played the Paramount in Seattle. I rarely stay abreast of performances coming to town, and almost exclusively rely on my network of informed friends to pass along show information and anything else that I can’t be arsed to look up. This is how I found out about John Waters lecturing at Benaroya, for example. It serves a twofold purpose; they would like an opportunity to demonstrate the mobile computing capabilities of their iPhones, and secondly, I don’t have to expend a single drop of energy while they twaddle around with their gadget. Everyone leaves happy.
Well, they FAILED ME this time. The first I heard of the show was when someone posted to seattle trying in vain to get three extra tickets. I sighed and thought “Gee, wouldn’t it be nice to go to that show? Ah well.” I then shook my fist in everyone’s general direction for failing me. Yes, you. Then, I promptly forgot all about it, as I am wont to do.
On Friday morning, v1c1ous sent me a text message asking if I had any plans, and would I like to go to Eddie Izzard with him. Hell + yes.
The order of business that day looked something like this: slack off, slack off, free slurpee, slack off, cut out early, prettify, buy bus pass from my Seagro schmuckythecat, meet v1c1ous and co for delicious frosty beverages, Eddie Izzard, profit.
Or rather, that’s what it was supposed to look like. It actually went like this: slack off, oh hey almost time for lunch and free slurpee, boy am I hungr–FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. GODDAMNIT. FUCK. SHIT. CLUSTERFUCK. GOATROPE. leave work late, slap on another layer of deodorant, leave the apartment looking like shit, meet schmuckythecat late, get fucked by Mapquest, get totally lost and frustrated and misdirected by a group of leather bears on Capitol Hill, Seattle’s building numbering system can totally go fuck itself and I would like to go back in time and hit each and every one of the founders with a sledgehammer straight to the face, stay lost, send increasingly frustrated text messages to v1c1ous, circle the same block about 6 times, and very nearly miss the show.
Eddie Izzard is a delightful, delightful man. I never cease to be impressed at how he can go off on a comedic tangent for an extended period of time and immediately pick up exactly where he left off with no “Um…um, now where was I? Dinosaur Church? No, no, I did that one. Oh wait, yes, man-skirts, um, kilts!” like so, so many comedians do. By the end of his show, my face hurt from smiling! You may interpret this one of two ways: I was amused once or twice and my usually dour face was unused to the exertion, or Eddie was really goddamn funny. I’ll give you a hint. It’s the latter. I’ll be sending him a bill shortly for the extra lines that he specifically is responsible for carving into my face. So, thank you again, Sean! I would also like to thank Sean’s girlfriend, who was unable to attend. And Jesus. But no thanks to the leather bears who hang around outside of The Cuff.
On the way home, my body informed me that in no uncertain terms, it was pissed off that I hadn’t eaten yet, and as I was down to chicken ramen at home, I ended up in the grocery store wandering the aisles like a moron, deep in the throes of the ‘so hungry, nothing sounds good’ trance. Have you ever gone to the grocery store hungry and come home with a bunch of weird shit? When I got home, I realized that I had come home with: a frozen curry dinner, a swirly toothbrush, six bran muffins (? I hate bran muffins), cinnamon bears, toilet cleaner, squirty salad dressing (and no lettuce?!?), and a lady-bodybuilder magazine (I have no idea).
Every time I shove one of those awful muffins down my face-hole, I repeat the mantra that I am not allowed to shop whilst hungry ever again.
omg. ily.
I LOVE YOU.
hells yes. WE HAVE NO MORE ROOM MATES AND OMG YOU’LL HAVE TO COME WATCH MOVIES AT MY HOUSE ALL. THE. TIME!!!
YES. How do you feel about Showgirls? I have the super fancy collector’s edition, complete with a number of drinking game suggestions!
……………..I’m filing for divorce and looking for tickets to California right now….
I can’t wait until my grandparents disown me for being a less-bean, frankly.
Hell yeah. I have short hair and we both have glasses. I try really hard to love fancy shoes, but I always wind up with chucks, vans or black reef flip flops. Lets face it. It’s gonna turn into a taco party real quick…
tacos? I’m THERE!
Did you know that pepper spray makes a good taco taste GREAT?
Haha, I was there too!
‘Twas a great show.
‘Kilts are like skirts, but not because… well, if you call it a skirt they’ll KILL you’
I quite liked the bit about the hash-assins, mostly because I kept vividly picturing someone standing in a marketplace, getting cracked in the face with a flying briefcase from out of nowhere. The thought still makes me giggle.
Oh jealous! One of these days I WILL see him live! (Even if now he is spouting ridiculous facial hair and no longer dressing as a girl)
I personally was hoping he’d wear heels at least. 🙁
But his jacket had a long tail and an absolutely smashing bright red silk lining, so he hasn’t given up on style!
That’s something at least. 🙂