Date Archives September 2011

Farmer Homer’s Sweet Sweet Sugar

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In February, I helped my friends Emily and Tom bottle the wine they had made at Classic Winemakers in Lacey. Emily said they like their wine “big” and “bitey” and that they were struggling with a name for their creation. Immediately, I thought of the Simpsons episode where Homer drives the monorail, which is infested with opossums: “I call the big one Bitey!” Emily didn’t go for it. My other suggestions of “Tyrannosaur Attack” and “Bad Neighbor Dog” were met with similar criticism.

After bottling the wine, dubbed Magna Admorsus, they gave us a few bottles apiece and suggested we hang on to them for six months or more for aging purposes. The six month mark hit right around their anniversary, and to celebrate, I gave them a bottle of their own wine back, with a far more appropriate label.

“I’m pretty sure they offer barrel rides from the top.” Multnomah Falls, Oregon

3 Comments read Oregon, Pacific, The Great Outdoors, Travel, USA, West

After visiting the Vista House and learning about wind and bathrooms, we drove the short distance to Multnomah Falls, where we learned about waterfalls, poison ivy, and jerks. The lessons about jerks came quickly, as we waited patiently for someone to finish fiddling around with their seatbelts and hats and GPS and radio and waistbands and wallets and finally leave their parking spot, only to have a man pull out of the queue behind us, drive his van up in front of us, and try to take the spot. Someone jumped out, explaining “We’ll take this spot, and you can take another one back there.” Uh, no. That’s not how parking and lines work, but thanks for playing! Maybe if you’d offered us money for the spot, we’d be more inclined to go to the trouble of turning around and trying to take a different place, but as it was, the lot was jammed full and the idea of circling around for an hour looking for another spot just for the sake of giving up our spot to an overly assertive person didn’t tickle our honor bones. We ended up taking the parking spot, and the man and his van sat in the wrong lane, blocking traffic, for quite some time, shaking his head in disbelief that his stellar plan didn’t work out as anticipated.

The falls themselves were gorgeous and awe-inspiring, and we hiked to the bridge to get a closer look. A trail is available to hike to the top of the falls, but none of us made it up there. The trail itself is uneven and narrow, one side being a rather steep drop-off, and the other side choked with poison oak. Everyone and their brother had decided to visit the falls that day, and they all brought small children and dogs, the better with which to obliviously block the entirety of the trail to force you off either into the poison oak or teetering on the edge. It simply wasn’t worth attempting to hike the entire thing, as I didn’t want to travel home with a terrible rash or in a body bag. I’d definitely like to visit again, but only on a low-traffic day, lest I learn more about jerks and less about waterfalls.

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