“Helen, please. Don’t drop the J-bomb.”

September 19, 2011 2 Comments read Attractions, Horse Girl, Pacific, Travel, USA, Washington, West

This weekend we attended the 4th annual Pumpkin Hurl and Medieval Faire (or, as it was abbreviated on their schedule, Hurl Faire, which brings to mind an entirely different sort of gathering) which marks the start of the Snohomish Festival of Pumpkins. The event organizers, recognizing that while trebuchets flinging pumpkins is an awesome premise, there’s also a lot of downtime between tosses, and thus it became a medieval catchall, with “knights” on horseback hacking veggies on posts, “viking” battle classes, and, of course, shops with food and sundries. The best part about visiting a medieval faire, ANY medieval faire, is that none of them are authentic. Everyone gets to be lords and ladies for the day instead of struggling with class warfare! Knights battle each other instead of slaughtering peasants for funsies! Wood fired pizza, roasted corn, and turkey legs instead of pottage and stale bread! A distinct lack of plague, leprosy, and typhoid fever! About the only thing that’s the same is dental hygiene, given that since I’m without insurance, I’m just about as likely to have my tooth pulled by a barber.

^{Oh, how the mighty have fallen…}

After the horseback demonstrations ended, we were allowed to go meet and greet with the horses and their riders. Being able to look and not touch at the Puyallup Fair was torture, so I was quick to take them up on the offer. When the horses whuffled their soft breath into my hands, I instantly became the horse-obsessed, brace-faced twelve year old I used to be, starry-eyed, and slurping through my headgear. If I’d had a bigger car, I would have probably tried to steal one of them, namely the dark grey Warlander. Before I could work on the logistics of cramming a horse into my backseat, Jason hustled me away to viking battle class. In class, we learned the difference between Hollywood theatrical fights and real swordfights, the basics of protecting yourself, getting your opponent off-balance, and proper striking technique, with large wooden shields and swords. We were then paired off to fight one another, ultimately having a sparring match with everyone in the group. The instructor said “Ok, people, it’s like you’re fighting in oil. Slow movements, slow strikes, we aren’t looking to actually injure anyone here…except the girls, who are really going at it!” It’s true, when I was paired with the other girl, we battled like it was going out of style. However, most of the time someone came at me with a sword, I found it prudent to turtle up behind my shield. Sure, I wouldn’t be able to see my enemy, but I also wasn’t going to take a sword to the head. After our mock battles, we were taught about how to form a shield wall, and after we charged at one another, class was dismissed.

Then, it was time to watch pumpkins being launched downfield.

By far, my favorite part of the third video was the man standing next to us, describing the scene for someone on his cell phone. “It’s going…it’s going…it’s going…it’s going…I can hardly even see it! Oh man, it’s a tiny dot! Oh jeez!” Ever since, Jason and I have been commenting on anything even slightly remarkable with “oh gosh!” “oh jeez!” “oh gosh!” “oh jeez!”

Next year, I’m showing up with a horse trailer.

“I keep telling you, ghost sex is nothing! It’s worse than nothing!” “Then why were you moaning last time?”

September 15, 2011 6 Comments read Attractions, Pacific, Reviews, USA, Washington, West

To celebrate my friend Aisling’s birthday, we went on the Market Ghost Tour. The Pike Place Market has supposedly been voted the most haunted place in the Pacific Northwest, which seems somewhat convenient given that it’s a tourist destination, but I suppose that’s the way these things go. Almira could have Satan popping out of the ground on Main Street every fifteen minutes, and the people around here would hem and haw and conclude that if it isn’t within a fifteen minute drive of home, it isn’t worth seeing.

This was a ghost tour, unlike the Museum of the Mysteries’ ghost hunt, so there was no yelling at ghosts or recording EVP or running down dark hallways in an attempt to catch paranormal activity on a thermal camera. Instead, it focused on telling ghost stories located in the general area. And even then, it was a lot more general history than spooky stories involving encounters with the dead.

For instance, we were told about Dr. Linda Hazzard, a doctor who treated her patients by starving them to death. It was intimated that she practiced in or near the Pike Place Market, when a cursory internet search indicates that she did all of her practicing stateside in Olalla, Washington. Also, the story involved zero ghosts. In another story, we were told about a “fat lady barber” who used to steal from traveling sailors, but whose “fat caught up to her, she had a heart attack, and broke through the floor on account of being so fat.” Except we were told immediately afterward that wasn’t the case, they’d combined two stories into one–the “fat lady barber” was murdered by one of the sailors she’d stolen from, and another person had fallen and broken through the floor. We were told these stories were combined in order to have a better morality tale, so people will “eat their veg” and not steal. It’s really good of them to have done that; I don’t know if I could have made it a full seventy-five minutes without some form of fat-shaming. And really, who is going to believe that a fat lady died from her stab wounds? Please, like a knife could have even penetrated through all that fat. She was clearly double-teamed, but ultimately taken out by obesity: the silent killer. Once again, it’s good this story had a moral, because that made up for the lack of ghosts. There were stories about posing for pictures with dead relatives–no ghosts. A story about a raunchy old lady who used to hang out at the Pike Place Market–no ghosts. A tree blossomed after someone was buried at its roots–no ghosts. Hey, look at that tile on the market floor bought by the Heaven’s Gate Cult!–no ghosts.

Even when the stories did involve ghosts, they were nigh-universally lackluster. “There was ghost activity in the theater, but it stopped.” “There was a ghost haunting this building, but someone put cake on his grave and he stopped.” Even when the story should have had a little more punch, the guide rushed to the finish line and didn’t give any time for anything to register, hustling us to the next story area. “And the little boy had no eyes–and we’re walking, we’re walking!”

It’s not that I had a BAD time, I just expected a bit more. Maybe more ghost stories and fewer made up morality tales. After all, once someone has admitted to telling you a lie, how can you believe any of the other preposterous things they put forward as the truth? Ultimately, I think I could have had a ghostlier experience if I’d taken the $17 for my ticket and spent it on whiskey.

“I’ve got the extra wine glasses but I’m still short a tandoori oven, an elephant, and four castrati.”

September 14, 2011 4 Comments read Masticating With Mellzah, Pacific, Travel, USA, Washington, West

Last night, we attended a cooking class at Shamiana, one of our favorite restaurants. Their Major Grey Chicken Curry is a standout dish, and when we found out this class would teach us how to make it, we leaped on the opportunity. Over the course of two hours, we learned how to make vegetable cutlets, cucumber-peanut salad, the aforementioned major grey, beef vindaloo, pulao, raita, and mango yoghurt mousse. It wasn’t just a teaching class–as we were taught the steps, staff brought out all the courses for us to have a meal. By the time we finished the mango mousse, we were stuffed full. Everything on the menu was delicious, but I was surprised how taken I was with the cucumber peanut salad–it’s just cucumbers, peanuts, lime juice, green chilis, and a little sugar and salt, but the heat of the chilis contrasted wonderfully with the coolness of the cucumber.

I’m not going to type up all the recipes, but since the Major Grey is the dish that got me hooked, that’s the one I’ll share here:

Major Grey Chicken Curry

3 lbs of boneless, skinless chicken breast, sliced thinly

1/2 lb onions diced (about 1 medium size onion)

1/4 cup curry powder, mild

1 1/2 cups whipping cream

pinch salt

2 1/2 tbsp vegetable oil

1 cup Major Grey Mango Chutney (mild), pureed

Green onions, chopped (green tops only)

Fry onion in oil until translucent (not brown. Whisk in curry powder. Cook 2 minutes. Whisk in chutney and cream. Add salt to taste. Saute sliced chicken breast in a small amount of oil with a bit of salt and pepper until cooked fully. Add the sauce and simmer for about ten minutes, watch the heat so the cream doesn’t separate. Garnish with green onions and serve. If you’d like your dish spicier, add chili powder, minced serrano peppers, or crushed red chili.

Pretty simple, no? I was surprised, too. I’m going to give it and the pulao a shot for tomorrow night’s dinner–here’s hoping I don’t screw it up! After dinner, we were allowed to go back into the kitchen to look at their tandoori oven and observe the process of making naan. Shamiana’s oven is a ceramic tandoori oven, as when they used clay, it would break about once a year, and then would require two weeks of seasoning before they could make naan, which impacted their business. This ceramic oven has been going strong for nine years!

Of course, we’re not going to get our very own home tandoori oven, so when we make at-home curries, garlic naan from Trader Joe’s will have to suffice. Or, I’ll have to give this recipe a try. Either way, I’m excited to expand my cooking repertoire!