This weekend was one of my two long weekends per month, which happily coincided with earthdotprime‘s visit, hereafter referred to as M’ris. I started stalking M’ris on the tubes sometime in…2006, I think. I’m not even sure anymore, it’s like I’m some sort of insidious worm that finds one interesting livejournal and all of a sudden I am friends with half that person’s friends. Anyway, M’ris and I have since separately determined that the other one is either not Internet Crazy or at least crazy in a highly entertaining, most likely non-lethal way, and that we should definitely meet when she was in town. M’ris was at least crazy enough to entrust her life to the terrifying garbagewagon, and so we set off on the road for adventure. The day started off with auspicious signage, portending awesome. Our first stop was the giant metal Lenin, which M’ris promptly scaled. Our second stop was the Fremont Troll, where we witnessed dudes climbing up and flashing gang signs for photographs; we both openly mocked them, and M’ris confessed that she’d never been able to make the Bloods gang sign that apparently everyone learns at summer camp. I spent a few minutes trying to rearrange my sausage fingers into the appropriate arrangement before I realized it was probably not a good idea with y’know, actual gang members hanging around. As soon as they left, we realized we had our theme for the day: Climbing things and flashing gang signs. Here is where I suggested M’ris find a way to slide down the face and straddle the nose. She began contemplating it, and I began to fear that I’d underestimated her potential craziness and exactly how I was going to explain her cracked skull to the internet at large. I’m not going to lie: When she found a way to do it, I was both impressed AND jealous.   Here she is as a human Q-tip. I have determined that more pictures need to be taken of me straddling things, throwing the horns, and it might be my new Thing. M’ris is gang-signing, I’m picking the troll’s nose. As you do.   Then it was time for some tree-climbing action! Keeping strong with our theme. After tree-climbing, it was time to visit Archie McPhee, because there is never NOT a good time to buy pickle-shaped band-aids. I love double-negatives. The Mac & Cheese one cracks me up every time I see it. M’ris was almost attacked by penguins, but then it was determined that we were all in the same gang, so everything was cool, dawgyo. “Please don’t touch me, I am very expensive and short-tempered”: This is a sign I should probably be wearing, myself. If anyone loves me, they will buy that tacky Sasquatch painting for me. It will hang on the wall next to my Baba Rama Nana!     Totally plotting to kill one another. I really, really wanted to buy one of these cockroaches for Napoleon to battle, but the wires in the legs gave me pause, because the last thing I want is a dog with a broken tooth. I totally don’t even care if I have lice now from trying on wigs and hats. Don’t even care. All of that battling works up an appetite, and thus, we went to the Lunchbox Laboratory and executed experiments in deliciousness and pants-expansion. After lunch, we took a bit of a roundabout way back to the car and happened upon a bus stop painted by people on drugs. ONE OF THESE PAINTINGS IS NOT LIKE THE OTHERS. ONE OF THESE PAINTINGS DOES NOT BELONG. We then drove to visit Bruce & Brandon Lee’s graves, only neither one of us managed to determine whereabouts in the cemetary they might be beforehand, so there was a lot of driving around and “I think Brandon’s is a big black twisty headstone. Like, beveled and twisty.” and backing around a corner praying to Cthulhu that I wouldn’t veer off and accidentally back over a headstone and once and for all destroy any chance I ever had at becoming President Mellzah. As it turns out, their graves are hidden behind bushes and we only found them via a stroke of luck. All in all, a very, very awesome day.