It has only taken me two months to post about my trip to Fright Fest–I’m fairly certain that history books will refer to me as “Mellzah Dildarian The Timely”*.

So, yes, on October 19th, I went to Fright Fest with starladear13. Every year, during the month of October, Six Flags theme parks go spooky, with giant inflatable spiders hanging off of roller coasters, haunted houses, and rivers of ‘blood’**.

And giant frigging animatronic pumpkin men.

I wish I could have brought something other than my crappy phone camera, but in a brand-new moneygrubbing move, Six Flags has instituted a rule that nothing can be carried on to the popular rides, and that everything must be placed in a pay locker before getting in line–and this pay locker expires in two hours. After two hours is up, the park claims your property. Too bad, so sad for you if the line you’re in is longer than two hours!

Lesley and I didn’t have to worry about that, however, as when we arrived, we shelled out the extra cash for a ‘flash pass’, which is one of the greatest inventions in the history of man. Yes, you’re paying to ride more rides over the course of your day (which is great by itself–we more than quadrupled what we would’ve been able to ride before), but more importantly, you’re paying for the thrill of cutting the line legally, the joy in watching other people scowl as you skip to the front of the line they’ve been waiting in for two hours. That’s the kind of glee that money can’t typically buy!

After we’d ridden rides for a while, we noticed a carnival game that offered superhero capes as prizes and ‘everybody wins’, rendering the playing of the game merely incidental. There comes a time in your life when you have to ask yourself, “Am I too old to be prancing around in public in a superhero cape?”

Thankfully for everyone, that answer for me yet remains a resounding “HELL NO,” and we flitted shortly thereafter to the beer garden, Batman and Wonder Woman capes floating gracefully in the breeze behind us. I had to have at least one moment of grace to balance out our next activity, which was to ride V2, a ‘suspended spiraling impulse coaster that utilizes an advanced design electromagnetic propulsion system to launch riders at speeds of up to 70 mph in less than four seconds.’

The key word there is ‘suspended’, as the seats are just high enough that I had to do a running backwards hop to get into one, which is even more awkward than it sounds. Worse was the dismount process–the seats are scalloped up inbetween one’s legs, and in the process of pushing myself up and over the hump, while dropping to the ground, I managed to smack my face HARD into the seat in front of me, inciting a chorus of laughter from the people waiting in line. Because this happened while I was wearing a superhero cape, I’m fairly certain they’ll be laughing about it for years to come.

Brand-new this year was the ‘Dark Knight’ tie-in ride, which the park rates as a ‘max thrill ride’ but I, sadly, have to disagree. It was like Space Mountain and a shitty carnival ride had an abomination of a baby and then spent millions of dollars tying it in to a highly-anticipated movie. It’s a shame, because with all the additional footage they bought with the original actors, it could have been SO COOL.

Hands-down, my favorite ride is ‘Superman’. After everyone is strapped into their seat with torso and leg restraints, the seats pull up and back, so you are facing downward.

The experience is akin to flying, or at least as close to flight as I’m likely to experience without throwing myself out of a fully functional plane (which I intend to do sometime next year).

All in all, Fright Fest was a total win, and it was great spending time with Lesley. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go twirl in my cape some more.

*Please, do not buy me a watch for Cthulhumas. You would not be the first person to do so in a ‘ha ha, I’m so clever’ sort of way, and I’m *still* not going to wear it.

**This year, they closed Roaring Rapids–in a previous Fright Fest trip, Lesley and I had ridden it because we were certain they’d shut off the water blasts because it was freezing outside. Yeah, not so much.