Date Archives October 2007

Goddess of Packages

28 Comments read Projects

I went into the apartment manager’s office yesterday to pick up a package, and she looked up and loudly announced to everyone inside that “this girl is the goddess of packages, she’s in here all the time.”

Yeah.

So one: Bullshit. I’ve gotten TWO packages since she started managing the place 3 months ago–I’m hardly running a Fed Ex portal through my apartment.

Two: It’s none of her goddamn business how many packages I get in the mail, whether it’s one or 1,000. If I wanted to have everything delivered to my doorstep instead of dealing with people, that would be my choice. If she thinks it’s excessive, there’s no need to make remarks about it to me or anyone else, because to me, her sole function consists of cashing my check every month. Frankly, I don’t really want to interact with her even on a package pickup basis–I wish that FedEx, UPS, and the post office would just leave them by my door. No one is going to mess with the crazy lady’s packages.

I’m seriously considering posting my address here and asking everyone to take the time to send me a shoebox with whatever inside so long as it’s not (a)illegal or (b)gross and THEN she’ll see who the goddamn goddess of packages is. I’d like to fill that office and make her sign for packages until she gets carpal tunnel syndrome.

Nosy witch.

Time to move.

16 Comments read Everything is Terrible

Last night, I was working on embroidering a hat band for my Halloween costume while wearing some fuzzy flannel pajamas–the weather was particularly gross yesterday and flannel makes me feel warm and happy; now you all know where the whole grunge look came from and why it originated in Seattle. You’re welcome. In addition to the PJs, I was rocking out to some tunes on my ipod and wearing the top hat in question when Napoleon indicated that he had to go outside. Right now. So I threw on the closest shoes and rushed outside, dancing to the salsa blasting through my headphones and mouthing the words while Napoleon does his business…when I spot a neighbor smiling and waving at me while he gets out of his car. This isn’t someone I know, so I can safely assume it’s the equivalent of pointing and laughing. I must’ve looked quite the picture–flannel pjs with penguins printed all over them, cowboy boots, top hat, dancing like a damn fool, while attached to a dog in the process of marking his territory…

I’ve mocked my neighbors as white trash meth-smoking nascar-lovers, and yet somehow I’ve just turned into the insane one in the apartment complex.

I’m still cringing.