Date Archives June 2007

Next year on Jerry Springer…

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I wasn’t able to leave work yesterday to visit a close friend who had been hospitalized for meningitis; immediately after I told The Troll I wanted to leave early, she got a phone call and rushed out for a ‘family emergency’, effectively trapping me at work since at least once of us has to be here.

The woman has more family emergencies than anyone I’ve ever met–but with a mother who could take a lead role in a remake of ‘what’s eating gilbert grape’*, three obnoxious high-school-dropout kids, and scads of close relatives with major drug problems**, one would expect that she’d have a higher-than-average number.

What was the emergency this time? Her 17 year old daughter is pregnant. Not like she wouldn’t still be pregnant if Mom rushed home, but whatever.

The part that made me crack my spleen attempting to stifle my laughter is when she told someone in the office, and his reaction was “No way! How did it happen?”

…I’m pretty sure it was sometime around when a penis came in contact with a vagina.

*That emergency involved mom putting a leg through the stairs. **One of these emergencies involved her sister having some sort of gengrenous vaginal emergency after shooting heroin up in her hoo-hah.

For the love of Jesus H Christ.

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Damien Hirst has studded a platinum skull with diamonds in order to create ‘the most expensive piece of art ever’, entitled ‘For the Love of God’.

The article indicates that if the piece sells for Hirst’s asking price of $99 million, Hirst will find himself on a price level with Pablo Picasso and Gustav Klimt.

…

Ok, so I don’t have a fine art degree. But come ON now. Just because it’s made of expensive materials doesn’t make the piece worth inherently more. Using expensive materials doesn’t make this douchebag Picasso…does it?

My argument is as such: I like to think I have artistic talent. I really don’t. I’m like Todd Goldman except not THAT crappy and also I don’t plagiarize. But if I made a cast of my ass in platinum and studded it with millions of dollars worth of diamonds (the true value of diamonds in a non diamond cartel market nonwithstanding), would that make me a great master, too, or just a tool that’s taken a cast of her ass for some publicity?

I don’t want to get into a ‘this is or isn’t art’ discussion because art seems to be whatever you can get away with. All I’m saying is a high price point does not a great master make.