Date Archives September 2005

A Public Service Announcement

By now, so long as you don’t live in a hole or are not under the age of 21, you will have seen alcohol mixed with energy drinks in bars. Red bull + vodka or jaeger = a jittery buzz. In case you ever felt the urge to recreate this mixture at home, but go about it the lazy way by purchasing an item called ‘Liquid Charge’, PLEASE RECONSIDER. It is quite possibly the worst thing I’ve ever had in my mouth. And I’ve eaten stinky tofu AND squid on a stick.

I was so moved by this alcoholic abomination, I decided to write the company an email.

I recently purchased some of your Liquid Charge beverage at my local grocers. Imagine my surprise when I opened a can and discovered that it not only SMELLED bad, it also tasted like beer and red bull that had been vomited back up into a can. Shame on you for selling this. I had to commit a sin by throwing alcohol away. And I can’t use food stamps on booze. So now you’ve wasted seven dollars of my hard-earned money. This opinion is not only mine, it is shared by my best friend who said, and I quote, “This tastes like the shittiest shit that was ever shat out of a shitty butt.” Liquid Charge? The only thing I charged toward is the bathroom, to get it out of my body. You should call it ‘liquid death.’ You could use it to spread the plague. Or perhaps you could use it cure alcoholism, as not even hardcore alcoholics would find your drink even remotely palatable. I would like my seven dollars back. Please do not send me coupons because this will only anger me further. Sincerely Mellzah Dildarian

p.s. I’m not kidding.

The ‘shittiest shit that was ever shat out of a shitty butt’? I lied. That wasn’t Lesley. That was me. She, however, almost threw up at my kitchen table.

Do yourself a favor and never EVER buy this.