Since it’s nearly 5 weeks until Elegant Swan Day, I’ve had to start getting serious about getting my things together. On Saturday, I went shopping for Shoes I’ll Never Wear Again to go with the Dress I’ll Never Wear Again, and promptly discovered that zero shoes on the market today are the correct color of cream to match the aforementioned dress. On a whim, I went into another store filled with dresses of the Never Wear Again style, and found a different one made of lighter material that is more Wisconsin-summer-heat-wedding-appropriate, in the same shade of blue, with white trim instead of cream. The clincher was that this dress will cost nearly $100 less in alterations, so even with the additional expense of the dress (marked down 80%!), I’m saving a much-needed $75. So now I own one Dress I’ll Never Wear Again and one Dress I’ll Never Wear And Maybe Never Even Look At Again So Hopefully My Closet Eats It.
I found a pair of white shoes immediately and was excited to be done with my shopping so quickly.
Of course, something was destined to go horribly wrong.
That something, ladies and gentlemen, was toe cleavage.
You might be asking yourself, “What in the Sam Hill is toe cleavage?”
Toe cleavage is the horrible, horrible practice of cutting the tops of shoes low enough to show the tops of your toes and the gaps inbetween. It ruins the clean look of a formal shoe and makes it appear concurrently that:
1)Your shoes don’t fit properly and 2)You’re ready for the beach, you rebel, you! and 3)You have toes long enough to join your simian ancestors in swinging through trees and picking bugs out of fur.
This scourge is apparently quite fashionable right now, which is a shame as it is so utterly disgusting. It must be quite a boon to the foot fetishists, but other than that, I feel confident that the rest of us can strongly band together against the nastiness which is toe cleavage. Furthermore, when I see toe cleavage, I am overwhelmed by the idea that the person wearing the shoes must inherently smell like sweaty feet, even if that is not the case.
These shoes are going back to the store with a quickness not unlike superman chasing a cheetah.
How do I know I’m right? Well, Saturday night, I went out with Amy to the Rickshaw in cute shoes that did NOT show toe, and while I was talking with Chuck outside, some guy was looking at me instead of watching where he was going, and at the exact moment he was trying to be slick and drop me a wink, he walked into a car’s sideview mirror.
THAT’S how I know.
Pew Pew Pew!
Toe cleavage = bad.
Superman chasing cheetahs metaphor = awesome.
Also awesome = Karaoke @ Rickshaw.
Re: Pew Pew Pew!
I giggled a little when I thought about Superman chasing a cheetah.
The Rickshaw is a fun place, but it’s so out of the way for me to go with any regularity.
Re: Pew Pew Pew!
They have a really decent karaoke sound system. Not that I’m an aficionado or anything.
Re: Pew Pew Pew!
I just think it’s nice that the host there doesn’t turn the music up so loud that you need to scream to hear yourself to make sure you’re singing on-key–much less have a conversation at any of the tables. I’ve been to a few places where you actually need to go a decent way out into the parking lot before you could talk to someone at a reasonable volume and expect to be heard.
Pointy shoes are for elves.
And witches!
Seriously I wished that designers would quit bringing them back, 90% of them are just horrible.
I was in Macy’s today looking at this highly tragic swimsuit thinking “What a horrible style…it’s like pointy shoes”…no shit. And then I realised that the swimsuit would fit women with certain types of boobs. The problem is that all women would buy it since most of them have no idea what looks right on them and no one tells them the truth.
Same goes for pointy shoes. If you have narrow feet that are SHORT, they are fine. Everyone else gets toetits like you mentioned or if they are over a 6 they look like Krusty the Clown.
I have damn cute, damn small feet. I dislike pointy shoes because they detract from one of my only natural physical advantages–they make my size 5 feet look 3 or 4 sizes larger.
Exactly.
That’s why I settled on open toed thingys, toe cleavage is non existent and I get to have my toes painted an uncharacteristic shade of pink.
If you can believe it, these were an open toe WITH toe cleavage. Entirely too much toe!
Toe cleavage is exactly why I like wearing my Mary Poppins meets a goth boots. That, and the fact they are the most comfortable dress shoes in the universe and I really can’t wear tennis shoes with every outfit. Well, I can; but I don’t look anything like David Tennant, who is the only person I’ve seen pull off black tennis shoes in a tux. Which is why the Doctor is made of awesome.
If Mary Poppins Meets a Goth boots were bridesmaid appropriate, I’d totally rock those down the aisle. Alas…
True. Now, if they came in other colours than black…
dude, pointy shoes with jeans are hot.
it took me a long time to like them, but rest assured, they are pretty kicky.
The issue here is not really pointy shoes, it’s having toes sticking out of them like a nest of blind albino grubs.
You like to rock the poulaines?
I cannot believe you just referenced POULAINES.
Uhhh, your LARP coodinator called, they just want to make sure you are still going to be playing the Level 12 Ventrue this weekend.
Whatever, bitch!
From Wikipedia:
Poulaines or crackowes were a style of shoes with extremely long toes very popular in the 15th century. They were so named because the style was thought to have originated in Kraków, then the capital of Poland. They began in the late 14th century and fell from fashion after about 1480-90. They were worn by men and women, but men’s were the most extravagantly long.
Sometimes the point of the shoe would need support from a whalebone or a string tied to the leg (just below the knee) to stop the point getting in the way when they were walking. Outdoors pattens or sandal-like clogs were usually worn underneath.
Also, my bragworp would beat the shit out of a level 12 ventrue, with a mud card and some KAZAM!
Dude, I know what a poulaine is, I just can’t believe you busted it out on me.
And I think it is awfully rich if you to get snarky regarding the bragworp, as that is clearly my creation and I am sorry if my +10 defense with the “Amulet of Spivak” and +9 quickness with the “Boots of the Sparrow” bothers you that much.
All I’m saying is that she who gets huffy while defending the bragworp obviously loves LARPers and Magic: The Gathering players a little bit too much. I bet you CRIED the year that they stopped doing GenCon in Milwaukee.
I’ve got about ten points of ‘I want to beat you with a stick’ left.