On Thursday night, for dinner, I had a couple of ears of sweet corn. Not specifically due to poorness, but due to the overwhelming deliciousness of corn this time of year. The dog, with all of the instincts of his tiny spotted wolf ancestors, has figured out when I think something is particularly delicious and he will fixate on this item.
At some point on Thursday night, when my back was turned, he ate a corn cob.
He is officially Too Stupid To Live.
Why, you ask? Because corn cobs do not digest. This means that my wonderful dog has been vomiting cob for the last three days. Vomiting cob, and then trying to eat it again.
Dogs have a pact with one another. Several pacts, in fact. If they are ill, they will struggle valiantly to keep it concealed during daylight and evening hours, waiting for the moment when you have just entered the deepest sleep of the night, and that is when they will begin to make the horking sound that will snap any pet owner awake in a panic, trying to locate said retching animal in the dark. The second pact is that a dog is never allowed to sully the same area twice. Should he be violently ill, and throw up twice in a row, it is of the utmost importance that he start in one area and finish in another, sometimes as if propelled on a little treadmill, like he’s a vomit-powered rocket.
My dog is an asshole. When he dies (which may be soon), I’m going to have him stuffed in an extra humiliating position to serve as a warning to the next ten generations of dogs.
I had two ears of sweet corn Thursday night for dinner too.
FYI, Chris’ brother’s dog had to get put down because he ate a corn cob. They completely lacerate the intestines. You might want to thinking about popping by the vet, especially if he stops eating.
That I can’t do because of poorness. If the dog has managed to rip up his intestines, he has well and truly fucked himself.
That’s too bad. Absolute worst case scenario, I believe county animal shelters offer free euthanasia. I hope it doesn’t come to that, though.
I realize how shitty and cold that sounds. I have been keeping an eye on him, I have been feeding him only a little so as to not further irritate his stomach/force the corn down into his intestines in the hopes of getting it out his mouth hole. But if it comes to surgery? I don’t know.
I don’t think it sounds cold. I’ve paid for extremely expensive surgeries for pets (like, $4,000 expensive), only to have a couple thousand more dollars worth of vet bills before having to go the euthanasia route anyway. You can only do so much before you’re just taking a gamble that may extend a pet’s life at the expense of also extending suffering.
At the moment it’s looking like he might be a very lucky SOB, from what I’ve cleaned up, the majority of the cob has to be out of him, with maybe one or two more pieces inside. He’s been pooping without straining, the whites of his eyes are still white, he’s been drinking normally, and he’d eat more if I’d give him more.
You may have been blessed with an immortal dipshit.
His new name shall be ‘Darwin’s Folly’.
I am here to take your mind off the topics of dog vomit, corncobs, and immortal dipshit pets: HULAWEEN! Think what you could do with this theme.
OH MY GOD that is AWESOME.
HA HA! I thought of Mellzah when I saw that, too!
I had a dog that’s eaten many a corn on the cob. And brownies. And full sheets of cookies. Potatoes. Anything and everything. What she doesn’t vomit she’d shit out later. I found a turd once that consisted almost soley of plastic shopping bags, hair and used maxi pads.
Maybe she was a goat in past life?
She lived to be almost 17 so hopefully your dog just pukes and shits the corn.
I once watched my dog crap out a tampon, an experience I hope is never repeated. It can’t be unseen. 🙁
Hopefully, yeah, he just passes it through, one way or another.
Have you ever read this immortal LJ entry I has a sweet potato? Sounds similar to your dog, but with sweet potatoes instead of corn cobs.
I have read it! That dog is ALSO a jerk.
I had a cat (HRH Miss Lady Qu’Appelle, RIP) who would not only throw up all the time, she’d aim it for maximum step-in possibility. So, quietly hoarking up that hairball in a discreet corner? No. Right in front the bathroom door in the smack middle of the hallway? Yes.
Thanks, cat. Thanks.
(I misspelt my poor dead cat’s name. Now she’ll surely eat my soul in Heaven.)
She was just trying to speed clean-up as quickly as possible to minimize carpet staining. A saint among cats, I tell you!
She was always the most kind and considerate cat.
The yowling at 4am was just to make sure I got up early for work!
This is why I’m a cat person. This is EXACTLY why I am a cat person.
On the flip side, cats poop in the house. AND get hairballs. I think I am eventually going to become a ‘no pet’ person.
And throw up in the middle of the night, just like dogs, just where you are most likely to step when you get up in the morning. But mine poop in the litter box, and they have learned (from my shoving random pieces of newspaper in front of them when they start to make “puke” noises) to throw up on newspaper, sort of like when dogs are paper-trained.
My last dog had severe food allergies, it got to the point where he was so ill he was throwing up every night. Eventually from all of the panicked rushing I would do to carry him into the bathroom and hold him over the toilet, he learned to go to tile when he was sick.
GUFFAW!
I’m sorry. But yeah, I think all dogs do this. My pom Yogi decided he MUST eat the pizza we were eating, so he snuck a piece when we weren’t looking. Too bad the thing was covered in jalapenos and tabasco. You could TELL he was having an issue with it, but he kept eating it anyway! He later threw it up.
I had a cat steal a piece of beef from my 5 star pad thai once. Once. That ended with failure. She sat to eat it, spat it out about 5 nanoseconds later, then spent the next 10 minutes licking her lips furiously while glaring at me.
Haha, most of my cats didn’t beg or try to eat our food. However, pepperoni and yogurt belonged to cats, I learned. I doesn’t matter if you’re in the process of eating it, IT BELONGS TO THEM D:
Napoleon will try something, spit it out, and then go back to try it again, like the flavor might have changed in the instant it was on the floor.
I think dogs have the angel/devil on the shoulder thing. One is like…a chow chow, going EAT IT EAT IT YOU DON’T KNOW THE NEXT TIME YOU’RE GOING TO EAT EAAAAAT ITTTTT and the poodle on the other shoulder is going BY JOVE, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING? SPIT THAT OUT AT ONCE!
And the poodle has a british accent.
But of course.
Don’t forget the monocle!
I’m sorry your devildog decided to devour delicious corn cobs. We’ll make sure to invite you to our Next Big Thing.
I’m sorry I keep missing your Big Things, they always sound so fun. 🙁
I can so relate to this! My dog is the same way!!!
I just tried to do this as a performance piece and ended up crying I was laughing so hard. Well done.
It’s really fun when you don’t find the vomit for a couple of days…
you forgot that they will puke on carpet over hardwood, tile, linoleum ANY time— just because it’s harder to clean
You are EXACTLY right, dogs will always choose carpet over any other surface.