I got me 100GB of ram, I never feed trolls and I don’t read spam

I just received this email on myspace this morning:

hi you want to chat how is the date site going for you sunshine you got a man

Good morning ? I am local and i am looking for me self a hopeful. You fine i want to make you mine. OK hit me up with some info so we can get close what do you need to know about me ? OK here check the info ,A small adjustment in your approach can make a big difference in your results. Explore your alternatives and you’ll discover a path to improved performance. Sometimes, doing a task at a different time of the day can cause a major improvement in your effectiveness. Or perhaps doing things in a slightly different sequence will make the rewards more rewarding. If you’re already getting it ninety-nine percent right, work on that other one percent. It can make all the difference in the world. No failure is permanent and no failure is a complete failure. Learn from the portion of the effort that went wrong, change it, and recombine it with the part that went right. Rarely is it necessary to throw out everything you’re doing. Instead, look for ways to fine-tune your efforts until you get the results you desire.

Be curious, be objective, be creative and be flexible. A little bit of change can put you over the top.

Hit me do not miss me i want to get it going on with you ok ?

WUT.

If it’s spam, I *really* don’t get it. No links to porn sites, nada.

Then just now, I got this from one of my long-distance coworkers in preparation for an upcoming conference call:

I pretty much can’t tell which one is worse.

Also, an intertubes website just emailed me to spoil what my Cthulhumas gift from my mom is this year by letting ME know exactly what it is, and also that it’s on backorder.

This is technology, working for me!

30 Comments I got me 100GB of ram, I never feed trolls and I don’t read spam

  1. lovely_sapphire November 19, 2008 at 7:02 pm

    The first one is definitely the worst, mon amie. The bee one is cute, although corny!

    Yeah, if it’s spam, i really don’t get it either. I think it’s just the mental workings of someone on acid. x.x

    1. admin November 19, 2008 at 7:06 pm

      If *I* was on acid, I dunno that my first instinct would be to try to chat random people up on the internet, but it does fit the pattern of the sort of person I attract.

      P.S. I loooooooooooove your icon!

      1. lovely_sapphire November 20, 2008 at 5:00 am

        i know! i found it randomly online last night and was like, i gotta have this! lol

  2. scearley November 19, 2008 at 7:04 pm

    I bet it’s spam. I have a theory on these types of emails and why they are spam, and it has to do with the value of a valid email address.

    The text in these spams are just boilerplate from something, some putz wrote that somewhere, somehow, in some public forum and it was scraped by a spammer.

    Spammer has a shit-ton of email addresses. Spammer sends these emails out.

    The emails sent out and get bounced are automatically dropped from the list, leaving the spammer with a list of valid emails, which are worth substantially more per address (maybe 25 cents per address rather than a nickel) on the market and can be resold to other spammers.

    You should check that email for any 1×1 pixel images. If they are in there that will tell them if the email was actually opened, making the address worth even more.

    1. admin November 19, 2008 at 7:10 pm

      But it’s *myspace*. Their proprietary mail system doesn’t have an email address associated with it.

      1. scearley November 19, 2008 at 7:11 pm

        oooooh it’s myspace.
        Well then it’s just some mugu exploring new options for scamming american women.

        1. admin November 19, 2008 at 7:14 pm

          I’ve always wanted to be scammed by a stranger on the internet!

          Mugu?

          1. scearley November 19, 2008 at 7:19 pm

            Mugu is what the african spammers call the gullible people who send them money. It means “fool” or “idiot” in one of the west African nations, but recently the 419 fighters have been using it to refer to the scammers themselves, since they will go to such ridiculous ends to get their money.

          2. admin November 19, 2008 at 7:40 pm

            I wouldn’t mind baiting some scammers myself. People who make their money that way must have no conscience.

  3. loosechanj November 19, 2008 at 7:31 pm

    If it doesn’t make a damn bit of sense, what’s the difference?

    1. admin November 19, 2008 at 7:33 pm

      I like to know the ‘whys’ behind things, even really stupid things. It’s my biggest contribution toward wasting my life utterly.

      1. loosechanj November 19, 2008 at 8:11 pm

        My theory about “spam” like that is that it’s wannabe spammers testing out their new “internet toolbox” or whatever.

  4. dear_amaranth November 19, 2008 at 7:37 pm

    The second one is far, far, far worse.

    The first one is just perplexing and leaves me with a mild sense of amusement.

    The second one, on the other hand, makes me want to go strangle a consultant with a pair of nylons.

    1. admin November 19, 2008 at 7:41 pm

      Now, beefore you take such drastic action, bee sure it’s the course that best beehooves you.

      :ducks:

      1. dear_amaranth November 19, 2008 at 7:46 pm

        I’ll take the high road

        I bind you, , from doing harm. Harm against other people, and harm against yourself.

        I bind you, , from doing harm. Harm against other people, and harm against yourself.

        I bind you, , from doing harm. Harm against other people, and harm against yourself.

        1. admin November 19, 2008 at 8:13 pm

          Re: I’ll take the high road

          This is particularly funny since last night my roommate and I watched The Craft.

          Is this the part where I go “NOoooooooooooooooooooooooo I called him to come bee in me first!!!!”?

          1. dear_amaranth November 19, 2008 at 8:38 pm

            Re: I’ll take the high road

            I must admit to some relief that you got the reference. 😛

        2. echoeversky November 19, 2008 at 9:11 pm

          Re: I’ll take the high road

          So sayeth we all.

          1. admin November 19, 2008 at 10:09 pm

            Re: I’ll take the high road

            Bee careful what you wish for, lest it beecomes true!

  5. dclingman November 19, 2008 at 7:47 pm

    Use those tips and BEE Lame!

    1. admin November 19, 2008 at 8:12 pm

      You bee nice, mister!

  6. scearley November 19, 2008 at 8:03 pm

    I’ve been thinking about this more and more and #2 is substantially worse.
    Mainly because #1 was written by someone who doesn’t speak English fluently, so there’s an excuse.

    And because #2 has that “(hahaha)” in it, as if to point out that that was the pun they were going for. PUT ON YOUR LAUGHING HATS FOLKS, WE GET A LITTLE CRAZY AROUND HERE! So apparently the rest of it, since there was no verbal elbow to the ribs, was not supposed to be “wacky” office material.

    1. admin November 19, 2008 at 8:15 pm

      I wonder what sort of response I’d get if I told them to “Bzzz off (hahahaha)”?

      1. scearley November 19, 2008 at 8:22 pm

        If you want to make it a true scientific experiement, you should try it with a phrase unrelated to bees. For instance, “go smear greasy dog diarrhea on the faces of your vile offspring (hahahaha)”

  7. gray_jedi November 19, 2008 at 9:23 pm

    Do huh?

    I am amazed at the kind of weirdness you attract.

    1. admin November 19, 2008 at 10:10 pm

      I live in swirling vortex of insanity. Or inanity. You decide!

  8. watchout5 November 19, 2008 at 8:03 pm

    even if you had 100GB of ram your operating system probably won’t recognize more than 4GB, and even in 64 bit processing you need the right OS to recognize more than 64GB :p

    1. admin November 19, 2008 at 8:10 pm

      I’m always at my PC, double-clicking on my mizz-ouse.

      1. watchout5 November 19, 2008 at 8:17 pm

        wishin’ CPU could rock a beat
        and hoping that if he does it isn’t weak, I’m
        wishin’ CPU could rock a beat
        nerd core hip hop could reign supreme

        1. admin November 19, 2008 at 8:28 pm

          It’s all about the pentiums, WHAT?

Comments are closed.