I have previously discussed how NOT to date me on this journal. However, I had an experience so…utterly special on Friday night that it requires an update. Friday was Pirate Vs Ninja night at Noc Noc, and since I have a ridiculous amount of pirate costume pieces, I would’ve been remiss not to attend.
The show was fantastic, with firedancers and burlesque and suspensions; there were far more pirates than ninjas in the audience (as far as I could tell, anyway. Sneaky bastards.) and EVERYONE loved my pirate hat. After a while, I was approached by a…gentleman who struck up a conversation with me. Shortly, he begain emphasizing how as he is MATURE, his tastes aren’t NORMAL in that he doesn’t appreciate stick-figure women and on and on…because, of course, one of the best ways to earn points is to let someone know that they wouldn’t be considered attractive by anyone BUT you and your MATURE tastes. Point the second: if I am happy with myself and secure in my attractive qualities, you telling me about them isn’t helping your case. I already know I’m going home with ME at the end of the night; I’ve known myself much longer than you’ve known me, so there’s no way that anything you’re telling ME about ME is going to convince me to do anything with YOU. If you don’t sell me on YOU, what reason would I have to want to even have another conversation?
And that’s the moment that he chose to tell me some things about him that caused my mind to reel. Verbatim:
“See, I love my wife, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t beat off to a picture of Scarlett Johansson in the bathroom at night. Excuse me for a minute, I need to go say goodbye to someone; I’ll be back to hit on you some more in a minute.”
WHAT.
NO.
Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
Go home to your WIFE, dude.
DO NOT HIT ON ME IF YOU HAVE A WIFE. DO NOT DESCRIBE HOW AND WHY YOU BEAT OFF WHEN YOU ARE TRYING TO HIT ON ME.
DO NOT HIT ON ME IF YOU HAVE A WIFE.
Everyone is Polyamorous – new meme.
Everyone but me!
And me!
(Which makes me a minority in some of my social circles, but I don’t hang out with people who are assholes about their sexuality, as a rule.)
Same here (as far as being the minority in some social circles), and I’ve got no issue with what people do to make themselves happy because it’s none of my damn business…I’m just tired of people assuming that I’d be perfectly happy being someone’s second. That’s pretty much all I got on OkCupid, even.
Good grief, me too! Sometimes I feel like I’m in Bizarroland with some of my friends, because to them, poly is the norm and I just can’t see how it would ever work in my life/brain/world.
Good grief, me too! Sometimes I feel like I’m in Bizarroland with some of my friends, because to them, poly is the norm and I just can’t see how it would ever work in my life/brain/world.
Ya know, i have to say…dress-up, role-playing nerdfests attract some people with huuuuuuuge issues. (Note: i said SOME.)
I will grant you that point, though I must counter with the fact that people with huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge issues manage to find me regardless of whether or not I’m at a dress-up, role-playing nerdfest.
Could be worse. His wife could be a horse.
She may yet be, as he did not produce a photograph.
:shudder:
His wife is a picture of Scarlett Johansson. Not that you can really tell any more.
My LOLMellzah caption at the moment would read VOM VOM VOM.
We’re like… terrible twins. This guy, Dan, at WSU used to hit on me(and anything else that seemed alive) by doing something like this
Dan: That dress looks _really_ nice on your figure.
Me: um, thanks (ohgodpleaseblinksoon)
-insert a tiny amount of awkward small talk while I try to eat my taco or whatever-
Dan: So, I love my wife, but I’m not faithful to her. In case you every want to do anything.
***
WTF are these people thinking? Seriously.
It might mark my thinking as archaic, but my feeling is that if you are not faithful, you do not love your wife. ‘I’m not faithful’ implies that it’s secretive/subversive. It’s entirely different from ‘I love my wife, but we have an open relationship’, which implies at the very least fore-knowledge, consent, and mutual agreement. I still wouldn’t get involved, but in my mind that’s the difference between “No, thanks, but I’m flattered” and “WTF are you doing, you asshole?”.
Exactly. I don’t care what you’re relationship is like, as long as it’s honest. If it’s not… then you’re just a dick.
Unfortunately some guys are clueless and do need to be told these things.
On the flip side there are women out there whose self-esteem is so low, something like that would probably work.
It makes for a good, funny, story though.
I suppose–keep throwing a line out there and eventually someone’s got to bite, right? Just not me. :\
I suppose–keep throwing a line out there and eventually someone’s got to bite, right? Just not me. :\
Unfortunately some guys are clueless and do need to be told these things.
On the flip side there are women out there whose self-esteem is so low, something like that would probably work.
It makes for a good, funny, story though.
there were far more pirates than ninjas in the audience (as far as I could tell, anyway. Sneaky bastards.)
Every party I go to the ninjas outnumber the pirates at least 3 to 1. XD
Also, that guy definitely earned a creative fake phone number please.
Here, pirates consistently outnumber the ninjas. It must be a geographical thing!
Fake phone numbers seem worse to me than not giving one at all. I occasionally run into these people more than once, and it’s easier to tell someone ‘no’ twice than deal with the fake phone number accusation.
Hehe I was trying to imply the ninjas are always there but invisible so you only THINK there are more pirates.
I’m ok with thinking there are more pirates–overconfidence is fun!
Yeah, fun until someone shoots your sword twirling ass with a GUN.
Do ninjas use guns these days? That seems like cheating to me.
Does it matter? You brought a knife to a gun fight, your overconfident ass is dead. 😛
But what about this honor thing ninjas are supposed to have? Does that mean nothing?
Besides, what makes you think I don’t carry a pistol?
You’re not really serious if you pull the knife first.
You’re not really serious if you pull the knife first.
But what about this honor thing ninjas are supposed to have? Does that mean nothing?
Besides, what makes you think I don’t carry a pistol?
Does it matter? You brought a knife to a gun fight, your overconfident ass is dead. 😛
Do ninjas use guns these days? That seems like cheating to me.
Yeah, fun until someone shoots your sword twirling ass with a GUN.
I’m ok with thinking there are more pirates–overconfidence is fun!
Hehe I was trying to imply the ninjas are always there but invisible so you only THINK there are more pirates.
Here, pirates consistently outnumber the ninjas. It must be a geographical thing!
Fake phone numbers seem worse to me than not giving one at all. I occasionally run into these people more than once, and it’s easier to tell someone ‘no’ twice than deal with the fake phone number accusation.
there were far more pirates than ninjas in the audience (as far as I could tell, anyway. Sneaky bastards.)
Every party I go to the ninjas outnumber the pirates at least 3 to 1. XD
Also, that guy definitely earned a creative fake phone number please.
I’m pretty sure they’re thinking “_____ celebrity is fucking hot, but YOU’RE here and YOU’RE attainable if I say the right thing because I want to get laid NOW.”
That, or they’re just not thinking about how we’ll interpret whatever it is that they say. I try to take things in the spirit in which they were said and give people the benefit of the doubt, but this kind of crap is just ridiculous.
I’m pretty sure they’re thinking “_____ celebrity is fucking hot, but YOU’RE here and YOU’RE attainable if I say the right thing because I want to get laid NOW.”
That, or they’re just not thinking about how we’ll interpret whatever it is that they say. I try to take things in the spirit in which they were said and give people the benefit of the doubt, but this kind of crap is just ridiculous.
OMG. Okay, Mel, what part of town are you finding these people? That is priceless. Just. Priceless.
If it was just one part of town, I could stop going there. 🙁 They’re everywhere!
If it was just one part of town, I could stop going there. 🙁 They’re everywhere!
OMG. Okay, Mel, what part of town are you finding these people? That is priceless. Just. Priceless.
The sad thing is, my sister probably would have fallen for it back in the day. LOL.
The sad thing is, my sister probably would have fallen for it back in the day. LOL.
‘shit together a sentence’, LOL
‘shit together a sentence’, LOL
funny thing, they really do need to be told that.
oh, and EWWWW!!!
a friend of mine was hit on by a woman beating, restraining order-collecting sex offender last night.
…and guys wonder why women tend to go out in groups!
Pick-up line, or throw up line? You decide!
It’s a pity that some men equate zaftig with desperate. (Note: I said SOME.) This particular man went out of his way to demonstrate to you that he is neither MATURE nor NORMAL. But, what blog fodder for you! (See? I gots my rose colored glasses on.)
Maybe your life’s calling is to document the freak in humanity…whether or not you wanted to.
I took the test, “Pirate or Ninja”: Personality-wise, I be ninja. But, who would want to dress as a ninja when they could dress as a pirate? I mean, c’mon! Speaking of zaftig, I’d make a better pirate wench than a ninja anyway.
Re: Pick-up line, or throw up line? You decide!
Plus, ninja don’t reduce global warming.
Re: Pick-up line, or throw up line? You decide!
I’ve known some guys (not for long) who’ve deduced that thick=easy. They couldn’t be further from the mark with me. After a few bad decisions, my standards are HIGH and I’d rather be alone forever than settle, especially for any douche who would equate being with ME as settling.
It would be nice to have an occasional encounter that ISN’T blog fodder…but you’re right, it’s probably my lot in life.
Re: Pick-up line, or throw up line? You decide!
You may be destined to document the freak in us, but I *know* you will find someone great. Fate can’t hide your excellence for long.
SOME guys make the mistake that we’re totally messed up by the skewed standards we’ve been handed by the media, by guys, and (most ironic) by other women. If we don’t look like Angelina, we must be easy marks — hahahahahahaha! No.
Besides, SOME guys need to look in the mirror while they’re lambasting us. As the Russians say, “a road goes both ways.”
Re: Pick-up line, or throw up line? You decide!
My mind is consistently blown by the troll-like dudes who think that babes like Tricia Helfer should be bowing at their altar. Talk about inflated sense of self. Jeez.
Here is a pictorial example:
THIS
does not pull
THIS
Re: Pick-up line, or throw up line? You decide!
My mind is consistently blown by the troll-like dudes who think that babes like Tricia Helfer should be bowing at their altar. Talk about inflated sense of self. Jeez.
Here is a pictorial example:
THIS
does not pull
THIS
Oh man, you should have asked him if he ever beat off to pictures of Scarlett Johansson with his wife’s face on it. hahah
I wish I would have! I fail. 🙁
I wish girls would hit on me like that
“I beat off to nerds all day, my husband doesn’t mind”
That one’s a winner
ooooh, Bill Gates, talk nerdy to me.
Oh noooo totally lost my boner
I don’t know about you, but I’m wet.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KMU0tzLwhbE
Oh it’s on like donkey kong
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dhe0H8RDNcc
ooooh Bill, you’re such a DIRTY DIRTY BOY.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dhe0H8RDNcc
ooooh Bill, you’re such a DIRTY DIRTY BOY.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KMU0tzLwhbE
Oh it’s on like donkey kong
I don’t know about you, but I’m wet.
Oh noooo totally lost my boner
ooooh, Bill Gates, talk nerdy to me.
I wish girls would hit on me like that
“I beat off to nerds all day, my husband doesn’t mind”
That one’s a winner
I wish I would have! I fail. 🙁
Oh man, you should have asked him if he ever beat off to pictures of Scarlett Johansson with his wife’s face on it. hahah
Did this guy tell you his name? Because I’ll bet money I know him. That sounds eerily, suspiciously like someone who has multiple times tried to work his “magic” on me. Ew.
I’m hesitant to put it here because it’s unusual enough that a vanity google would bring him straight here and that’s pretty much the last thing I want. It starts with a t and is not capitalized ever (emphasis his). Ring any bells?
Alas, no. The one I’m thinking of has a name beginning with R, and he trolls the dating sites with a vengeance.
R is probably one of the reasons I stopped going to the dating sites!
R is probably one of the reasons I stopped going to the dating sites!
Alas, no. The one I’m thinking of has a name beginning with R, and he trolls the dating sites with a vengeance.
I’m hesitant to put it here because it’s unusual enough that a vanity google would bring him straight here and that’s pretty much the last thing I want. It starts with a t and is not capitalized ever (emphasis his). Ring any bells?
Did this guy tell you his name? Because I’ll bet money I know him. That sounds eerily, suspiciously like someone who has multiple times tried to work his “magic” on me. Ew.
You are seriously the freak magnet. I’m a bit jealous. 🙂
If medical science can locate my freak magnet, it’s all yours.
And this is why I am glad I help out with medical research. 🙂
And this is why I am glad I help out with medical research. 🙂
If medical science can locate my freak magnet, it’s all yours.
You are seriously the freak magnet. I’m a bit jealous. 🙂
I think you need to check yourself for a “Creeps and weirdos, come this way!” tattoo.
Here’s some more HOT STUFF for you:
SWOOOOOOOOOOOOOON.
I have checked myself for such a tattoo have have come up lacking; my deduction is that the source of my power must emanate from WITHIN my body which is more troublesome.
SWOOOOOOOOOOOOOON.
I have checked myself for such a tattoo have have come up lacking; my deduction is that the source of my power must emanate from WITHIN my body which is more troublesome.
I think you need to check yourself for a “Creeps and weirdos, come this way!” tattoo.
Here’s some more HOT STUFF for you:
just noticed you added me and added back =)
men need to learn that it’s Not Okay to treat random new people like hired sex workers. i s’pose he could’ve had an open marriage, but it’s anybody’s guess how he was able to get a woman to stand his presence long enough to sleep with him once, let alone marry him. apparently the existence of that sad, insecure person bolstered his confidence enough to make him think that drunk & obnoxious commentary was enough to get anyone to sleep with him.
i tend to react pretty confrontationally to sleazy men. if a guy started telling me that he beat off to scarlett johanson i’d reply “wow, how fascinating. you know what really gets me off? shitting on a man’s face. have you ever had a woman crap down your throat? i made a guy explode in his pants once by squatting over him and crapping down his throat. he said it was the best night of his life.”
best is if you can pull it off with a straight face, but even if you start laughing hysterically halfway through it’s still lots of fun. i also enjoy inviting myself into other people’s conversations if i notice a jerk obnoxiously hitting on a woman at a bar and she’s obviously unhappy and trying to get away.
You are my hero. I generally don’t have the cojones to scare people away like that.
One of my friends was particularly good at picking out guys to buy drinks for not only her, but everyone she was with that night, AND cigarettes, AND whatever other sort of sundries were being sold at the bar. When she determined he was tapped out for as much as he was willing to spend without getting something from her in return, she’d talk about shit and periods until he went away. It was brilliant.
i always hate people buying me things, but i probably really should be doing something similar… a fool and his money are soon parted or whatever 😉
i always hate people buying me things, but i probably really should be doing something similar… a fool and his money are soon parted or whatever 😉
You are my hero. I generally don’t have the cojones to scare people away like that.
One of my friends was particularly good at picking out guys to buy drinks for not only her, but everyone she was with that night, AND cigarettes, AND whatever other sort of sundries were being sold at the bar. When she determined he was tapped out for as much as he was willing to spend without getting something from her in return, she’d talk about shit and periods until he went away. It was brilliant.
just noticed you added me and added back =)
men need to learn that it’s Not Okay to treat random new people like hired sex workers. i s’pose he could’ve had an open marriage, but it’s anybody’s guess how he was able to get a woman to stand his presence long enough to sleep with him once, let alone marry him. apparently the existence of that sad, insecure person bolstered his confidence enough to make him think that drunk & obnoxious commentary was enough to get anyone to sleep with him.
i tend to react pretty confrontationally to sleazy men. if a guy started telling me that he beat off to scarlett johanson i’d reply “wow, how fascinating. you know what really gets me off? shitting on a man’s face. have you ever had a woman crap down your throat? i made a guy explode in his pants once by squatting over him and crapping down his throat. he said it was the best night of his life.”
best is if you can pull it off with a straight face, but even if you start laughing hysterically halfway through it’s still lots of fun. i also enjoy inviting myself into other people’s conversations if i notice a jerk obnoxiously hitting on a woman at a bar and she’s obviously unhappy and trying to get away.