I’ve been sifting through the music on my computer recently, listening to things I haven’t listened to in a long time, when I happened upon a gem of a song, something that is clearly, irrevocably, The Worst Thing I Got*. This is coming from someone who owns an Ed Wood box set. Who can glean moments of enjoyment from both House of the Dead and Manos: Hands of Fate. Believe me when I say this song tops all of those things.
I’m fairly certain I acquired this song through IRC, with the sender informing me that it was a GREAT song. I doubt I even listened to it once. Now, through a sense of duty to hilarity, I’m not certain it’s possible for me to delete it.
It starts with a man unironically reading perhaps the worst poem of all time, and then segueing into gutteral screams, followed by more awful poetry with vague racist undertones, some gothic gloom and doom and at that point, you still have not reached the very best part, as the very best part is where he starts passionately shouting color names. PURPLE!!!!!!!!!! BLUE!!!!!!!!!
I give you this, The Worst Thing I Got. Make certain to listen to it in a place where you will not feel compelled to restrain your laughter, as you will give yourself a hernia.
What’s The Worst Thing *You* Got?
Burning in Paradise, a book of poety by Michael Madsen. (Yes, the actor.) Imagine, if you will, his character from Reservoir Dogs spending his nights writing a book of profanity-laden emo-poetry.My favorite is the one where he describes in excruciating detail how he beat the shit of somebody outside a bar for no reason.
I’m very curious as to how the whole emo aesthetic fits in with beating the shit out of somebody outside of a bar!
There is nothing quite like
a woman’s pussy, you know.
–Insert 7 stanzas describing all the pussy he’s had–
I think about it sometimes
when I’m ready to jump from
the 8th floor window
crying from loneliness
and it keeps me inside
AHAHAHAHAHA! That is precious.
I like it.
…seriously?
PURPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BLUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, except for the foofy Englishman parts. Yeah, it’s ridiculous, but I also like Type O Negative, so there we are.
What has been heard cannot be unheard.
I believe I sent you what I consider to be the most disturbing children’s song I own; Spooky Scary Skeletons….
But what I DIDN’T SHARE were these two absurd gems. I’m not sure where they came from, but they’re worse. WAY WORSE.
A screwed up country ballad called “Does anyone here know a song about snakes,” and a horrific 80’s euro synth abortion called “Woodpeckers from Space,” that has the audacity to sample a Speak ‘n Spell AND a horrific rapping imitation of Woody Woodpecker.
Listen, if you dare.
Re: What has been heard cannot be unheard.
Oh sweet fancy moses, those are awful.
unaware, the boyfriend says, “wow, that’s the worst thing i’ve ever heard. what are you doing?”
HAHAHA!
P.S.
After explaining the situation, the Woodpeckers from Space is his new favorite song.
I kind of want to punch myself in the face now. haha.
I still kind of love ‘Spooky Scary Skeletons’, personally. I have it set as my ringtone for whenever calls or texts me. 😀
I’m very afraid to listen (spechully at work), and I’m sure I can’t top that.
The worst I’ve got is a Cibo Matto CD (Japanese girl rap)which is strange but good.
I also have the original (1966) Ultraman theme song on ukulele which is not at all bad–it is perfection! Jim and I found the accomanying video on uTube one evening, and it changed our lives. We just played it over and over and over. Sadly, it has been taken down, due to copyright issues. However, Jim has the video–it’s a special extra on the CD he purchased. Will show it to you on Saturday, if you like.
Of course, if you don’t know who Ultraman is, the video isn’t as orgasm inducingly awesome as it could be…but it is still excellent.
I don’t know who Ultraman is.
Oh you sad little girl. Everyone should know Ultraman!
He’s a Japanese alien superhero, born in 1966. (He’s on the right side of my LJ icon.) The original spawned many versions and the Ultraman franchise continues strong today in Japan, but the original 1966 series is the best for its unsurpassed stringy mozzarella cheesiness. Oh so many cheap model cities and effects!
The theme song to the original: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ryUOZKV9nzI
I watched Ultraman in Japanese when I was a little tyke in Tokyo. He’s nostalgic for me.
I’m getting that ‘sad little girl’ speech from all over lately. “I can’t believe you’ve never read Dune.”
“I can’t believe you’ve never seen Blade Runner.”
“I can’t believe you watched all of the Indiana Jones movies for the first time last year.”
I will just add Ultraman as part of the ‘Melissa is ignorant’ group.
Yeah, I just jumped on the “sad girl” bandwagon, causing it to caroom off the road and turn over in a ditch. Serves us pretentious windbags right!
You’re not a sad; you totally beat me in the knowing cool stuff department. My pockets of retro nerd knowledge are small but deep. (I didn’t read Dune either, so there!)
Maybe Jim and I will play an episode of Ultraman at the party Saturday. #2 is my favorite–the best villain.