{"id":900,"date":"2008-01-20T12:37:00","date_gmt":"2008-01-20T12:37:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/mellzah.com\/?p=900"},"modified":"2014-01-29T23:57:28","modified_gmt":"2014-01-30T07:57:28","slug":"kent-cage-match-napoleon-vs-unicorn","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/kent-cage-match-napoleon-vs-unicorn\/","title":{"rendered":"Kent Cage Match: Napoleon Vs Unicorn"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>LADIES and GENTLEMEN, do we ever have a spectacle for you today! It&#8217;s a royal rumble in downtown Kent, a battle so ferocious that pregnant women and people with heart conditions aren&#8217;t allowed within twenty miles, a spectacle so spectacular that we&#8217;ve sold you the whole seat, but all you need <em>is the edge<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>In the first corner in the white trunks, our defending CHAMP-EEN and UNDEFEATED CONTENDER in his weight class and a class above, the Tyke with Bite, floating like a butterfly and peeing on a tree&#8230;..NAPOLEON RAYGUN!<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/01\/0016fahr1.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-7810\" alt=\"0016fahr\" src=\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/01\/0016fahr1.jpg\" width=\"280\" height=\"476\" srcset=\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/01\/0016fahr1.jpg 280w, https:\/\/mellzah.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/01\/0016fahr1-176x300.jpg 176w, https:\/\/mellzah.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/01\/0016fahr1-150x255.jpg 150w, https:\/\/mellzah.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/01\/0016fahr1-200x340.jpg 200w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 280px) 100vw, 280px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>In the second corner in the pink trunks, folks, is our challenger. Raised on the mean streets of Hong Kong, this scrappy newcomer stowed away on a freighter bound for Tacoma and the good life, a MYTHICAL CREATURE with NOTHING TO LOSE, found homeless and hungry in a nearby WinCo with a CHIP ON HIS SHOULDER, a HATRED for our bourgeoise society, and a WILLINGNESS TO FIGHT FOR A CHANCE FOR SHELTER&#8230;.THE UNICORN!<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/01\/s640x480.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter\" alt=\"s640x480\" src=\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/01\/s640x480.jpg\" width=\"384\" height=\"512\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Now, touch gloves and come out fighting&#8211;LET&#8217;S GET READY TO RUUUUMMMMBLLLLLLEEEEE!<\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/A2vRkdUbrNs\" height=\"349\" width=\"425\" allowfullscreen=\"\" frameborder=\"0\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>Some fights don&#8217;t last longer than two rounds, folks. No refunds. Guess you could say he tore &#8216;im a new asshole, eh? EH?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>LADIES and GENTLEMEN, do we ever have a spectacle for you today! It&#8217;s a royal rumble in downtown Kent, a battle so ferocious that pregnant women and people with heart conditions aren&#8217;t allowed within twenty miles, a spectacle so spectacular that we&#8217;ve sold you the whole seat, but all you need is the edge. In&#8230; <span class=\"more\"><a class=\"more-link\" href=\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/kent-cage-match-napoleon-vs-unicorn\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&#8594;<\/span><\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":7810,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-900","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.0 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Kent Cage Match: Napoleon Vs Unicorn &#8226; Mellzah<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/kent-cage-match-napoleon-vs-unicorn\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Kent Cage Match: Napoleon Vs Unicorn &#8226; Mellzah\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"LADIES and GENTLEMEN, do we ever have a spectacle for you today! It&#8217;s a royal rumble in downtown Kent, a battle so ferocious that pregnant women and people with heart conditions aren&#8217;t allowed within twenty miles, a spectacle so spectacular that we&#8217;ve sold you the whole seat, but all you need is the edge. In... 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