{"id":857,"date":"2007-11-26T09:30:00","date_gmt":"2007-11-26T09:30:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/mellzah.com\/?p=857"},"modified":"2015-05-17T20:23:32","modified_gmt":"2015-05-18T03:23:32","slug":"project-flood-the-office-robot-army","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/project-flood-the-office-robot-army\/","title":{"rendered":"PROJECT: Flood the Office…Robot Army"},"content":{"rendered":"

When I arrived home late Wednesday night, there was a note in my mailbox stating that a package had been left in the office–the office which was already closed, and would remain closed for the next two days due to the holiday. It must be kind of sweet working as a complex manager, what with the banker’s hours and a bunch of extra days off a year that most people on the planet don’t get. “The office is closed due to Saint Swithin’s Day.” “The office is closed for the Feast of Maximum Occupancy.” “The office is closed because, frankly, it’s cold outside.”<\/p>\n

However, this afforded me the opportunity to ride on the apartment manager’s nerves a bit more; I was waiting outside the door when she arrived on Saturday, and after I grabbed my package and skedaddled, she then got the pleasure of listening to no less than six answering machine messages from yours truly. “Hello? Um…I wanted to see if you were open today. I need my insulin.” “Um, hi, um, I guess the office is closed today or maybe you’re out showing an apartment, but I kind of really need my insulin…I guess I’ll try back later…” and so on and so forth.<\/p>\n

I’m not on insulin, I’m just in the habit of making evil wenches feel guilty.<\/p>\n

Instead of insulin, waiting for me was this package from crazyfaeriegirl!<\/p>\n

\"package9\"<\/a><\/p>\n

\"0015w31r\"<\/a><\/p>\n

\"0015xr0k\"<\/a><\/p>\n

I used to have a surprisingly similar voicemail greeting, but both my mother and grandmother were horrified by it. Damn relatives, ruining my fun!<\/p>\n

A ROBOT!<\/p>\n

\"0015y46c\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Here he is, leading my robot army in Napoleonic fashion.<\/p>\n

\"0015z0et\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Thanks, Erica! You’ve helped make an evil woman feel guilty with your wonderful contribution to the cause.<\/p>\n

Unfortunately, as the despotic robot ruler of these parts, I am going to have to decline membership in your club AND eventually I’ll have to destroy you.<\/p>\n

That, or you could join me. I promise all meatbags submitting prior to the revolution fair and equitable treatment–those submitting later must either die or toil in my underground sugar caves.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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