{"id":826,"date":"2007-10-12T10:20:00","date_gmt":"2007-10-12T10:20:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/mellzah.com\/?p=826"},"modified":"2015-05-16T19:45:35","modified_gmt":"2015-05-17T02:45:35","slug":"project-flood-the-office-a-purveyor-of-fine-cheeses","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/project-flood-the-office-a-purveyor-of-fine-cheeses\/","title":{"rendered":"PROJECT: Flood the Office…A Purveyor of Fine Cheeses"},"content":{"rendered":"

Yesterday, I skated into the office just before it closed, Indiana Jones style, laid down my bag of sand, picked up my idol, and prepared to deal with the wrath of the natives. “Well, hello there, Goddess of Packages<\/em>. You’ve got something from a Purveyor of Fine Cheeses<\/em>, though it seems awfully light for cheese.” “If you don’t mind, I’d prefer not to talk about the role cheese plays in my life. It’s a sensitive subject.”<\/p>\n

\"\" All week long, bellachiara6 had been asking if I’d received her package yet, much in the same way excited children question their parents from the backseat of an automobile, “Has my package arrived yet? Has my package arrived yet? HAS MY PACKAGE ARRIVED YET?” and I would respond in much the same manner as I did when I was two and locked myself in the bathroom, and my mother repeatedly asked if I was done in there–“Noooooot yeeeeeeeeet.” You have no idea how much it killed me to have this package sitting in my room and not being able to open it because I needed to charge my camera battery. I would fail as a boy scout at always being prepared…but then again, I also fail at being a boy, and then there’s the whole not believing in god thing, and thinking that gay people are swell…the boy scouts can go fuck themselves. OH WAIT, THEIR TROOP LEADERS TAKE CARE OF THAT FOR THEM.\n\"0011k199\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Hello, Nicki!<\/p>\n

\"0011p0s6\"<\/a><\/p>\n

To repeat the text message I sent to Nicki, ‘That is the best fucking grocery bag I’ve ever seen. Ever.’ It’s so awesome, I want to keep it, and it’s a GODDAMNED GROCERY BAG.\u00a0 But what was inside the bag? She mailed me a CEPHALOPOD!<\/p>\n

\"0011qk42\"<\/a><\/p>\n

What’s more, she instructed me to…amuse myself with it. So my first act of amusement was to wear it as a hat. My second act of amusement was to have Napoleon wear it as a hat. My third act of amusement was to re-create my LJ icon in plush and paper.<\/p>\n

\"0011rttw\"<\/a><\/p>\n

My FOURTH act of amusement, as soon as I find a dark-haired Barbie-ish doll, will be decidedly<\/em> more amusing. Stay tuned for that one!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Yesterday, I skated into the office just before it closed, Indiana Jones style, laid down my bag of sand, picked up my idol, and prepared to deal with the wrath of the natives. “Well, hello there, Goddess of Packages. You’ve got something from a Purveyor of Fine Cheeses, though it seems awfully light for cheese.”… Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":15321,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[111],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-826","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-projects"],"yoast_head":"\nPROJECT: Flood the Office...A Purveyor of Fine Cheeses • Mellzah<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/project-flood-the-office-a-purveyor-of-fine-cheeses\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"PROJECT: Flood the Office...A Purveyor of Fine Cheeses • Mellzah\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Yesterday, I skated into the office just before it closed, Indiana Jones style, laid down my bag of sand, picked up my idol, and prepared to deal with the wrath of the natives. “Well, hello there, Goddess of Packages. You’ve got something from a Purveyor of Fine Cheeses, though it seems awfully light for cheese.”... Continue reading →\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/project-flood-the-office-a-purveyor-of-fine-cheeses\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Mellzah\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2007-10-12T10:20:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2015-05-17T02:45:35+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/06\/package3.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"583\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"426\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Mellzah\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Mellzah\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"2 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/project-flood-the-office-a-purveyor-of-fine-cheeses\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/project-flood-the-office-a-purveyor-of-fine-cheeses\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Mellzah\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/#\/schema\/person\/258c4539d7cbedab130a65a66e1cd143\"},\"headline\":\"PROJECT: Flood the Office…A Purveyor of Fine Cheeses\",\"datePublished\":\"2007-10-12T10:20:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2015-05-17T02:45:35+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/project-flood-the-office-a-purveyor-of-fine-cheeses\/\"},\"wordCount\":376,\"commentCount\":25,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/#\/schema\/person\/258c4539d7cbedab130a65a66e1cd143\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/project-flood-the-office-a-purveyor-of-fine-cheeses\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/06\/package3.jpg\",\"articleSection\":[\"Projects\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/project-flood-the-office-a-purveyor-of-fine-cheeses\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/project-flood-the-office-a-purveyor-of-fine-cheeses\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/project-flood-the-office-a-purveyor-of-fine-cheeses\/\",\"name\":\"PROJECT: Flood the Office...A Purveyor of Fine Cheeses • Mellzah\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/project-flood-the-office-a-purveyor-of-fine-cheeses\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/project-flood-the-office-a-purveyor-of-fine-cheeses\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/06\/package3.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2007-10-12T10:20:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2015-05-17T02:45:35+00:00\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/project-flood-the-office-a-purveyor-of-fine-cheeses\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/project-flood-the-office-a-purveyor-of-fine-cheeses\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/project-flood-the-office-a-purveyor-of-fine-cheeses\/#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/06\/package3.jpg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/06\/package3.jpg\",\"width\":583,\"height\":426},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/project-flood-the-office-a-purveyor-of-fine-cheeses\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"PROJECT: Flood the Office…A Purveyor of Fine Cheeses\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/\",\"name\":\"Mellzah\",\"description\":\"\",\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/#\/schema\/person\/258c4539d7cbedab130a65a66e1cd143\"},\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":[\"Person\",\"Organization\"],\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/#\/schema\/person\/258c4539d7cbedab130a65a66e1cd143\",\"name\":\"Mellzah\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/8bc52d68a982a0654b9052e9adc2698e982c1f851e2c0bb7de553ebba11a7c60?s=96&d=identicon&r=pg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/8bc52d68a982a0654b9052e9adc2698e982c1f851e2c0bb7de553ebba11a7c60?s=96&d=identicon&r=pg\",\"caption\":\"Mellzah\"},\"logo\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\"},\"sameAs\":[\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\"]}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"PROJECT: Flood the Office...A Purveyor of Fine Cheeses • Mellzah","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/project-flood-the-office-a-purveyor-of-fine-cheeses\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"PROJECT: Flood the Office...A Purveyor of Fine Cheeses • Mellzah","og_description":"Yesterday, I skated into the office just before it closed, Indiana Jones style, laid down my bag of sand, picked up my idol, and prepared to deal with the wrath of the natives. “Well, hello there, Goddess of Packages. You’ve got something from a Purveyor of Fine Cheeses, though it seems awfully light for cheese.”... Continue reading →","og_url":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/project-flood-the-office-a-purveyor-of-fine-cheeses\/","og_site_name":"Mellzah","article_published_time":"2007-10-12T10:20:00+00:00","article_modified_time":"2015-05-17T02:45:35+00:00","og_image":[{"width":583,"height":426,"url":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/06\/package3.jpg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"Mellzah","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Mellzah","Est. reading time":"2 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/project-flood-the-office-a-purveyor-of-fine-cheeses\/#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/project-flood-the-office-a-purveyor-of-fine-cheeses\/"},"author":{"name":"Mellzah","@id":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/#\/schema\/person\/258c4539d7cbedab130a65a66e1cd143"},"headline":"PROJECT: Flood the Office…A Purveyor of Fine Cheeses","datePublished":"2007-10-12T10:20:00+00:00","dateModified":"2015-05-17T02:45:35+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/project-flood-the-office-a-purveyor-of-fine-cheeses\/"},"wordCount":376,"commentCount":25,"publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/#\/schema\/person\/258c4539d7cbedab130a65a66e1cd143"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/project-flood-the-office-a-purveyor-of-fine-cheeses\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/06\/package3.jpg","articleSection":["Projects"],"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"CommentAction","name":"Comment","target":["https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/project-flood-the-office-a-purveyor-of-fine-cheeses\/#respond"]}]},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/project-flood-the-office-a-purveyor-of-fine-cheeses\/","url":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/project-flood-the-office-a-purveyor-of-fine-cheeses\/","name":"PROJECT: Flood the Office...A Purveyor of Fine Cheeses • Mellzah","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/project-flood-the-office-a-purveyor-of-fine-cheeses\/#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/project-flood-the-office-a-purveyor-of-fine-cheeses\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/06\/package3.jpg","datePublished":"2007-10-12T10:20:00+00:00","dateModified":"2015-05-17T02:45:35+00:00","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/project-flood-the-office-a-purveyor-of-fine-cheeses\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/project-flood-the-office-a-purveyor-of-fine-cheeses\/"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/project-flood-the-office-a-purveyor-of-fine-cheeses\/#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/06\/package3.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/06\/package3.jpg","width":583,"height":426},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/project-flood-the-office-a-purveyor-of-fine-cheeses\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"PROJECT: Flood the Office…A Purveyor of Fine Cheeses"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/#website","url":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/","name":"Mellzah","description":"","publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/#\/schema\/person\/258c4539d7cbedab130a65a66e1cd143"},"potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":["Person","Organization"],"@id":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/#\/schema\/person\/258c4539d7cbedab130a65a66e1cd143","name":"Mellzah","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/8bc52d68a982a0654b9052e9adc2698e982c1f851e2c0bb7de553ebba11a7c60?s=96&d=identicon&r=pg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/8bc52d68a982a0654b9052e9adc2698e982c1f851e2c0bb7de553ebba11a7c60?s=96&d=identicon&r=pg","caption":"Mellzah"},"logo":{"@id":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/"},"sameAs":["https:\/\/mellzah.com"]}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/826","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=826"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/826\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":33071,"href":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/826\/revisions\/33071"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/15321"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=826"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=826"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=826"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}