{"id":823,"date":"2007-10-10T10:09:00","date_gmt":"2007-10-10T10:09:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/mellzah.com\/?p=823"},"modified":"2014-01-29T23:12:58","modified_gmt":"2014-01-30T07:12:58","slug":"project-flood-the-office-the-spice-must-flow","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/project-flood-the-office-the-spice-must-flow\/","title":{"rendered":"PROJECT: Flood the Office…The Spice Must Flow"},"content":{"rendered":"

Yesterday I came home to a note on the door from the hardworking folks at Fed-Ex, AND one in the mailbox from the not-so-hardworking folks of the US Postal Service stating that I had packages in the office. JOY.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

I walked in to find THREE waiting for me. The office beeotch said as I walked in the door<\/em> “Package queen, you’ve got more packages AGAIN today.”<\/p>\n

….<\/p>\n

(wait for it…)<\/p>\n

….<\/p>\n

:shrug: “…The spice must flow.”<\/p>\n

An eyebrow shot up, its owner possibly contemplating the ‘drugstore.com’ box. “Well….whatever. One of them sounds broken.”<\/p>\n

What is she doing? Shaking packages like it’s nearly Christmas? Because, frankly, that’s exactly what I did, and when I opened the package, this is the note I discovered, to my great delight:\n\"0011bsp9\"<\/a>\nWhat was in the box? Small things that made very strange sounds, indeed! As you can see, Napoleon was extremely interested in the contents, because anything that comes into the house actually belongs to HIM unless he deigns to allow other people to have it.<\/p>\n

\"0011d2a0\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Thank you, faerieburst<\/a>! The teeny skulls have taken up residence in the pirate bathroom, and I imagine that the binder clips will come in handy when kids come by to trick-or-treat–the dog will be binder-clipped to the couch and thusly save me a costly lawsuit! Also, I will likely check out bookmooch, which would be way more awesome if I could actually part with books.<\/p>\n

The large package on the bottom was from my dad, who generally supports my foolish endeavors, especially when they involve (harmlessly) fucking with someone for a laugh–so now you know where I get oftentimes cruel yet awesome sense of humor from. This is a man whom I VERY fondly recall laughing at a woman in church<\/em> for having a rear end so enormous that the row of buttons traveling down the back of her dress actually lay horizontal. Not telling her so and making her feel bad, of course, because that’s not how we roll, but struggling with laughter so hard that tears rolled out onto his cheeks. In church.<\/p>\n

Yes. We’re going to hell.<\/p>\n

\"0011g424\"<\/a><\/p>\n

He sent me some shoes! True, I took ballet for about a week when I was 6; I quit because I wasn’t good at it right away. What’s the lesson here? Never try. The point is that now I can PRETEND to be a pretty pretty pirate ballerina. The fact that they make…unfortunate noises when I walk is of no consequence.<\/p>\n

\"0011etff\"<\/a><\/p>\n

The other package, the one from drugstore.com? That’s for my Halloween costume–a box of latex gloves. What am I doing with an entire box of latex gloves? Oh, wouldn’t you like to know! Patience, kids. 10 more days and all will be revealed.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Yesterday I came home to a note on the door from the hardworking folks at Fed-Ex, AND one in the mailbox from the not-so-hardworking folks of the US Postal Service stating that I had packages in the office. JOY. I walked in to find THREE waiting for me. The office beeotch said as I walked… Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":15311,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[111],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-823","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-projects"],"yoast_head":"\nPROJECT: Flood the Office...The Spice Must Flow • Mellzah<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/project-flood-the-office-the-spice-must-flow\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"PROJECT: Flood the Office...The Spice Must Flow • Mellzah\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Yesterday I came home to a note on the door from the hardworking folks at Fed-Ex, AND one in the mailbox from the not-so-hardworking folks of the US Postal Service stating that I had packages in the office. JOY. I walked in to find THREE waiting for me. The office beeotch said as I walked... 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