{"id":822,"date":"2007-10-09T12:37:00","date_gmt":"2007-10-09T12:37:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/mellzah.com\/?p=822"},"modified":"2015-05-18T11:00:14","modified_gmt":"2015-05-18T18:00:14","slug":"project-flood-the-office-day-one","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/project-flood-the-office-day-one\/","title":{"rendered":"PROJECT: Flood the Office…Day One"},"content":{"rendered":"

In 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue…and didn’t really do squat. Or at least he didn’t do what he’s been given credit for. But really, any shyster doing anything is a good enough excuse for the federal government to take a holiday, so while workers like you and I continued to toil, the post office workers got to spend a day at home watching tv and polishing their guns.<\/p>\n

However, apparently Fed Ex employees still bust their buns on Columbus day, because when I got home, a note was on my door stating that they’d tried to deliver a package at 11am, but the dog was unable to sign for it due to a lack of opposable thumbs, and that it was waiting for me in the manager’s office<\/em>.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Queen Bee-otch gave me a glare-y look when I walked in the door and picked it up; I expect she’ll make a snotty remark to me when I go to pick up the (at least two) boxes I’ll have in the office this afternoon. To which I will shrug and reply, no MATTER WHAT SHE SAYS, “The spice must flow.” Which she will not be hip enough to get, but may or may not lead her to believe that I am either (a) a gourmet chef or (b) a drug dealer.<\/p>\n

At some point over the next couple of weeks, I plan to mail myself the floppiest dildo I can find, and THAT one, I will unwrap in the office and squeal “OMG THE NEW SHIPMENT HAS ARRIVED!!!” or “I WILL BE SO BUSY THIS WEEKEND!!!” or nonchalantly waggle it while informing the manager that I need someone to fix my clogged drain. I haven’t decided yet.<\/p>\n

Look what apestyle<\/a> sent me, you guys!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

This Sunday I plan on having my pagan pumpkin festival–invites have already gone out via myspace and facebook, but should you not have either one of those handy doodads and want to attend, let me know.<\/p>\n

On Saturday night (the 13th) I really, really, REALLY want to go to Maris Farms’ Haunted Woods. It’s supposed to be insanely scary! $15-$20, depending on how long you’re willing to wait in line. Since it’s even down past my neck of the woods, it seems that the best thing to do would be to meet at my place and carpool the rest of the way. Yes\/No\/Maybe So?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue…and didn’t really do squat. Or at least he didn’t do what he’s been given credit for. But really, any shyster doing anything is a good enough excuse for the federal government to take a holiday, so while workers like you and I continued to toil, the post office… Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4412,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[111],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-822","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-projects"],"yoast_head":"\nPROJECT: Flood the Office...Day One • Mellzah<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/project-flood-the-office-day-one\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"PROJECT: Flood the Office...Day One • Mellzah\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"In 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue…and didn’t really do squat. 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