{"id":6044,"date":"2011-11-17T18:14:18","date_gmt":"2011-11-17T18:14:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/?p=6044"},"modified":"2011-11-17T19:37:54","modified_gmt":"2011-11-17T19:37:54","slug":"well-i-believe-youre-required-to-provide-a-vegetarian-alternative","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/well-i-believe-youre-required-to-provide-a-vegetarian-alternative\/","title":{"rendered":"“Well, I believe you’re required to provide a vegetarian alternative.”"},"content":{"rendered":"

I’m pretty excited by the news that Congress has declared pizza to be a vegetable<\/a>. It’s always been a struggle for me to meet my daily vegetable requirements, but not anymore! In a world where two tablespoons is equal to half a cup, I can eat veggies for lunch, dinner, and have cold leftover veggies for breakfast the next day. Can burgers being declared vegetables be far behind? How long until I’m applauded for stopping at a McDonald’s for lunch to buy a double quarter pounder with cheese, because everyone will know that I’m only in it for the three servings of vegetables included: ketchup, pickle, and minced onion? I know that late at night, especially after some drinking, there’s nothing that I crave more than four servings of vegetables in one handy place, which is why I stop at Jack in the Box and load an ultimate cheeseburger up with onion rings and jalepeno poppers. If I’m feeling extra ambitious, a side order of fries deep fried in vegetable oil will count as two more servings, for nearly an entire day’s worth of vegetables in one meal! I may even take up eating vegetables for mid-day snacks, especially if strawberry basil ice cream is declared a vegetable.<\/p>\n

Being healthy is AWESOME. I may even become inspired to spread this healthy lifestyle around by becoming a pizza farmer. Any idea where I can get some pizza seeds?<\/p>\n