{"id":447,"date":"2006-04-26T15:41:00","date_gmt":"2006-04-26T15:41:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/mellzah.com\/?p=447"},"modified":"2011-07-01T21:39:37","modified_gmt":"2011-07-01T21:39:37","slug":"were-gonna-need-a-bigger-boat","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/were-gonna-need-a-bigger-boat\/","title":{"rendered":"We’re gonna need a bigger boat."},"content":{"rendered":"

I’ll admit to being out of the loop when it comes to new games being released. Since I quit working at gamestop, I haven’t been keeping up with what is coming out, and when.<\/p>\n

Imagine my surprise and delight to discover they are releasing a ‘Jaws’ game. Oh wait, they already DID release a Jaws game. For the NES.\nBut now they’re doing it AGAIN. Only better! Just check out these stats!<\/p>\n

* Players take control of Jaws the Great White Shark with themes and locations from the original JAWS universe.<\/p>\n

Jaws has its own universe now? Also, to be nitpicky, I don’t believe the shark itself is named ‘Jaws’.<\/em><\/p>\n

* More than 10 meticulously detailed, destructible environments, each with unique themes and intense action.<\/p>\n

OMG 10? That might be too much INTENSE action for me, especially if there’s a wet & wild room. (and you know there will be.)<\/em><\/p>\n

* Unleash real-time damage on intelligent enemies, vehicles and structures.<\/p>\n

Since when are vehicles and structures considered to be intelligent?<\/em><\/p>\n

* Perform a variety of stunning underwater, surface and air attacks via a user friendly combat system.<\/p>\n

Ah, yes. I must be forgetting the part of the movie where Bruce the Shark learned to FLY.<\/em><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

* Dismemberment engine provides 25+ points of disconnection allowing for game characters and objects to be torn apart piece by piece.<\/p>\n

I have no snarky remark for this. Oh, wait, I do! It must be based on the Jeffrey Dahmer Engine!<\/em><\/p>\n

* Follow story based missions or choose to freely roam the island and its surroundings causing havoc.<\/p>\n

‘So dig this, you guys. It’s like….it’s like GTA only you’re a SHARK, man.’<\/em><\/p>\n

* Encounter multiple side missions\/challenges including timed destruction, stealth, chase and others.<\/p>\n

What sort of reward system would someone use for a shark?<\/em><\/p>\n

* Face fearsome arena bosses including killer whales, powerful boats and more.<\/p>\n

Apparently you will be facing these fearsome killer whales in a pool outside of a Hyatt somewhere. Tourists will watch in horror until your FLYING SHARK ATTACK starts dismembering them, as well!<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
\"orca<\/a><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n

* See your victims before they know you\u2019re coming and target lock on enemies from afar with Shark Vision.<\/p>\n

Why oh why didn’t I ask for Shark Vision for my birthday? :sob:<\/em><\/p>\n

This game is either going to be terrible or terribly awesome. I vote for multiplayer where you can tag-team giant orcas and or battle each other to the death. THAT would be awesome.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I’ll admit to being out of the loop when it comes to new games being released. Since I quit working at gamestop, I haven’t been keeping up with what is coming out, and when. Imagine my surprise and delight to discover they are releasing a ‘Jaws’ game. Oh wait, they already DID release a Jaws… Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4590,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[106,103],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-447","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-games","category-reviews"],"yoast_head":"\nWe're gonna need a bigger boat. • Mellzah<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/were-gonna-need-a-bigger-boat\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"We're gonna need a bigger boat. • Mellzah\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I’ll admit to being out of the loop when it comes to new games being released. 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