Yesterday, whilst I was at the grocery store, I decided I ought to pick up the pinata I need for Saturday’s Chicken & Porn shindig (Yes, the grocery store I shop at also sells pinatas because obviously I am a classy lass and only shop at the very best of stores). The problem was that they are stored way up high and the only way to reach them is to locate an employee (this runs about even odds with me waking up one morning and tripping over the Hope diamond sitting on the floor of my bedroom) or scale a lot of shelving that doesn’t seem all that sturdy.<\/p>\n
The third option is to be Mellzah. I just stand there, all pocket-size, and stamp my tiny hoof and look at the thing I want that’s much too high to reach, perhaps emit a little huff with my lower lip stuck out, and always, ALWAYS some dude will wander by who is more than happy to clamber up a bunch of rickety shelving or scale a virtual Everest of boxes to grab me the thing I want that’s at the very tippy top so that I don’t have to endanger myself in the slightest OR engage in any physical activity.<\/p>\n
I think this is related to my ability to be pulled over for a number of ticketable driving offenses (almost hitting a homeless guy dressed in all black who leaped out in front of my car on Cap Hill during a downpour, blown out headlights, turned OFF headlights, cutting someone off (truthfully, I don’t think that was my fault since the jackalope wouldn’t let me merge and it was either cut him off or be run into a guardrail), plates expired for over six months) and I have NEVER gotten a ticket.<\/p>\n
I will likely die of starvation within a week of the time women take over and I can no longer use my hoof-stamping mane-tossing tiny pony powers to get what I want.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Yesterday, whilst I was at the grocery store, I decided I ought to pick up the pinata I need for Saturday’s Chicken & Porn shindig (Yes, the grocery store I shop at also sells pinatas because obviously I am a classy lass and only shop at the very best of stores). The problem was that… Continue reading