{"id":1328,"date":"2009-06-02T21:34:00","date_gmt":"2009-06-02T21:34:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/mellzah.com\/?p=1328"},"modified":"2011-07-02T21:43:24","modified_gmt":"2011-07-02T21:43:24","slug":"its-like-a-trainwreck-and-ive-got-a-front-row-seat","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/its-like-a-trainwreck-and-ive-got-a-front-row-seat\/","title":{"rendered":"It’s like a trainwreck and I’ve got a front row seat"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/p>\n

Hoooooooooooooooooooooooly shit. So, earlier today, my coworker ran out of the building with yet another “I’vegottogoI’llbebacktomorrow”. Guess what it was this time? Previous editions have included:<\/p>\n

*Sister with infected vagina from heroin\n*’What’s Eating Gilbert Grape’ Mother with leg through stairs\n*Son with migraine (one of these things is not like the others, one of these things just doesn’t belong…)<\/p>\n

This time…..her 19 year old daughter who had a baby not all that long ago announced she’s getting married to the father of the baby in August…but she’s wearing an engagement ring from the father’s cousin, whom she also claims to love. I cannot WAIT for this to be on Jerry Springer. Oh please, let this be on Jerry Springer.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Hoooooooooooooooooooooooly shit. So, earlier today, my coworker ran out of the building with yet another “I’vegottogoI’llbebacktomorrow”. Guess what it was this time? Previous editions have included: *Sister with infected vagina from heroin *’What’s Eating Gilbert Grape’ Mother with leg through stairs *Son with migraine (one of these things is not like the others, one of… Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5046,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[114],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1328","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-everything-is-terrible"],"yoast_head":"\nIt's like a trainwreck and I've got a front row seat • Mellzah<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/its-like-a-trainwreck-and-ive-got-a-front-row-seat\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"It's like a trainwreck and I've got a front row seat • Mellzah\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Hoooooooooooooooooooooooly shit. 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