{"id":1238,"date":"2009-02-10T13:13:00","date_gmt":"2009-02-10T13:13:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/mellzah.com\/?p=1238"},"modified":"2011-07-02T21:30:14","modified_gmt":"2011-07-02T21:30:14","slug":"do-not-pass-go-do-not-collect-200","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/do-not-pass-go-do-not-collect-200\/","title":{"rendered":"DO NOT PASS GO. DO NOT COLLECT $200"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/p>\n

Apparently some girl named Karalee Buttroof* is in some serious legal trouble in Orange County, and like the adult she is, gave the authorities my work cell number, which has been ringing off the hook and getting filled with vaguely-threatening messages. I, for one, am pretty impressed at the amount of information they’ll hand out over the phone, even after I’ve made it clear that I’m not the Buttroof they’re looking for.<\/p>\n

*HAHAHAHA<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Apparently some girl named Karalee Buttroof* is in some serious legal trouble in Orange County, and like the adult she is, gave the authorities my work cell number, which has been ringing off the hook and getting filled with vaguely-threatening messages. I, for one, am pretty impressed at the amount of information they’ll hand out… Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5089,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[114],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1238","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-everything-is-terrible"],"yoast_head":"\nDO NOT PASS GO. DO NOT COLLECT $200 • Mellzah<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/do-not-pass-go-do-not-collect-200\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"DO NOT PASS GO. DO NOT COLLECT $200 • Mellzah\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Apparently some girl named Karalee Buttroof* is in some serious legal trouble in Orange County, and like the adult she is, gave the authorities my work cell number, which has been ringing off the hook and getting filled with vaguely-threatening messages. I, for one, am pretty impressed at the amount of information they’ll hand out... Continue reading →\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/do-not-pass-go-do-not-collect-200\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Mellzah\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2009-02-10T13:13:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2011-07-02T21:30:14+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/02\/monopoly-go-to-jail-card12.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"452\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"260\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Mellzah\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Mellzah\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/do-not-pass-go-do-not-collect-200\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/do-not-pass-go-do-not-collect-200\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Mellzah\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/#\/schema\/person\/258c4539d7cbedab130a65a66e1cd143\"},\"headline\":\"DO NOT PASS GO. DO NOT COLLECT $200\",\"datePublished\":\"2009-02-10T13:13:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2011-07-02T21:30:14+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/do-not-pass-go-do-not-collect-200\/\"},\"wordCount\":80,\"commentCount\":28,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/#\/schema\/person\/258c4539d7cbedab130a65a66e1cd143\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/do-not-pass-go-do-not-collect-200\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/02\/monopoly-go-to-jail-card12.jpg\",\"articleSection\":[\"Everything is Terrible\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/do-not-pass-go-do-not-collect-200\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/do-not-pass-go-do-not-collect-200\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/do-not-pass-go-do-not-collect-200\/\",\"name\":\"DO NOT PASS GO. DO NOT COLLECT $200 • Mellzah\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/do-not-pass-go-do-not-collect-200\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/do-not-pass-go-do-not-collect-200\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/02\/monopoly-go-to-jail-card12.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2009-02-10T13:13:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2011-07-02T21:30:14+00:00\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/do-not-pass-go-do-not-collect-200\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/do-not-pass-go-do-not-collect-200\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/do-not-pass-go-do-not-collect-200\/#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/02\/monopoly-go-to-jail-card12.jpg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/02\/monopoly-go-to-jail-card12.jpg\",\"width\":\"452\",\"height\":\"260\"},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/do-not-pass-go-do-not-collect-200\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"DO NOT PASS GO. DO NOT COLLECT $200\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/\",\"name\":\"Mellzah\",\"description\":\"\",\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/#\/schema\/person\/258c4539d7cbedab130a65a66e1cd143\"},\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":[\"Person\",\"Organization\"],\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/#\/schema\/person\/258c4539d7cbedab130a65a66e1cd143\",\"name\":\"Mellzah\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/8bc52d68a982a0654b9052e9adc2698e982c1f851e2c0bb7de553ebba11a7c60?s=96&d=identicon&r=pg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/8bc52d68a982a0654b9052e9adc2698e982c1f851e2c0bb7de553ebba11a7c60?s=96&d=identicon&r=pg\",\"caption\":\"Mellzah\"},\"logo\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\"},\"sameAs\":[\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\"]}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"DO NOT PASS GO. DO NOT COLLECT $200 • Mellzah","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/do-not-pass-go-do-not-collect-200\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"DO NOT PASS GO. DO NOT COLLECT $200 • Mellzah","og_description":"Apparently some girl named Karalee Buttroof* is in some serious legal trouble in Orange County, and like the adult she is, gave the authorities my work cell number, which has been ringing off the hook and getting filled with vaguely-threatening messages. I, for one, am pretty impressed at the amount of information they’ll hand out... Continue reading →","og_url":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/do-not-pass-go-do-not-collect-200\/","og_site_name":"Mellzah","article_published_time":"2009-02-10T13:13:00+00:00","article_modified_time":"2011-07-02T21:30:14+00:00","og_image":[{"width":452,"height":260,"url":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/02\/monopoly-go-to-jail-card12.jpg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"Mellzah","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Mellzah"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/do-not-pass-go-do-not-collect-200\/#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/do-not-pass-go-do-not-collect-200\/"},"author":{"name":"Mellzah","@id":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/#\/schema\/person\/258c4539d7cbedab130a65a66e1cd143"},"headline":"DO NOT PASS GO. DO NOT COLLECT $200","datePublished":"2009-02-10T13:13:00+00:00","dateModified":"2011-07-02T21:30:14+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/do-not-pass-go-do-not-collect-200\/"},"wordCount":80,"commentCount":28,"publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/#\/schema\/person\/258c4539d7cbedab130a65a66e1cd143"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/do-not-pass-go-do-not-collect-200\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/02\/monopoly-go-to-jail-card12.jpg","articleSection":["Everything is Terrible"],"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"CommentAction","name":"Comment","target":["https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/do-not-pass-go-do-not-collect-200\/#respond"]}]},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/do-not-pass-go-do-not-collect-200\/","url":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/do-not-pass-go-do-not-collect-200\/","name":"DO NOT PASS GO. DO NOT COLLECT $200 • Mellzah","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/do-not-pass-go-do-not-collect-200\/#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/do-not-pass-go-do-not-collect-200\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/02\/monopoly-go-to-jail-card12.jpg","datePublished":"2009-02-10T13:13:00+00:00","dateModified":"2011-07-02T21:30:14+00:00","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/do-not-pass-go-do-not-collect-200\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/do-not-pass-go-do-not-collect-200\/"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/do-not-pass-go-do-not-collect-200\/#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/02\/monopoly-go-to-jail-card12.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/02\/monopoly-go-to-jail-card12.jpg","width":"452","height":"260"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/do-not-pass-go-do-not-collect-200\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"DO NOT PASS GO. DO NOT COLLECT $200"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/#website","url":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/","name":"Mellzah","description":"","publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/#\/schema\/person\/258c4539d7cbedab130a65a66e1cd143"},"potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":["Person","Organization"],"@id":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/#\/schema\/person\/258c4539d7cbedab130a65a66e1cd143","name":"Mellzah","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/8bc52d68a982a0654b9052e9adc2698e982c1f851e2c0bb7de553ebba11a7c60?s=96&d=identicon&r=pg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/8bc52d68a982a0654b9052e9adc2698e982c1f851e2c0bb7de553ebba11a7c60?s=96&d=identicon&r=pg","caption":"Mellzah"},"logo":{"@id":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/"},"sameAs":["https:\/\/mellzah.com"]}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1238","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1238"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1238\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5091,"href":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1238\/revisions\/5091"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/5089"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1238"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1238"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1238"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}