{"id":1063,"date":"2008-07-15T14:58:00","date_gmt":"2008-07-15T14:58:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/mellzah.com\/?p=1063"},"modified":"2014-01-31T16:21:49","modified_gmt":"2014-02-01T00:21:49","slug":"badgers-cant-be-choosers","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/badgers-cant-be-choosers\/","title":{"rendered":"Badgers Can’t Be Choosers"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"\nPhoto by GermanCityGirl<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Eddie Izzard recently played the Paramount in Seattle. I rarely stay abreast of performances coming to town, and almost exclusively rely on my network of informed friends to pass along show information and anything else that I can’t be arsed to look up. This is how I found out about John Waters<\/a> lecturing at Benaroya, for example. It serves a twofold purpose; they would like an opportunity to demonstrate the mobile computing capabilities of their iPhones, and secondly, I don’t have to expend a single drop of energy while they twaddle around with their gadget. Everyone leaves happy.<\/p>\n

Well, they FAILED ME this time. The first I heard of the show was when someone posted to seattle<\/a> trying in vain to get three extra tickets<\/a>. I sighed and thought “Gee, wouldn’t it be nice to go to that show? Ah well.” I then shook my fist in everyone’s general direction for failing me. Yes, you. Then, I promptly forgot all about it, as I am wont to do.<\/p>\n

On Friday morning, v1c1ous<\/a> sent me a text message asking if I had any plans, and would I like to go to Eddie Izzard with him. Hell + yes.<\/p>\n

The order of business that day looked something like this: slack off, slack off, free slurpee, slack off, cut out early, prettify, buy bus pass from my Seagro schmuckythecat<\/a>, meet v1c1ous<\/a> and co for delicious frosty beverages, Eddie Izzard, profit.<\/p>\n

Or rather, that’s what it was supposed to look like. It actually went like this: slack off, oh hey almost time for lunch and free slurpee, boy am I hungr–FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. GODDAMNIT. FUCK. SHIT. CLUSTERFUCK. GOATROPE. leave work late, slap on another layer of deodorant, leave the apartment looking like shit, meet schmuckythecat<\/a> late, get fucked by Mapquest, get totally lost and frustrated and misdirected by a group of leather bears on Capitol Hill, Seattle’s building numbering system can totally go fuck itself and I would like to go back in time and hit each and every one of the founders with a sledgehammer straight to the face, stay lost, send increasingly frustrated text messages to v1c1ous<\/a>, circle the same block about 6 times, and very nearly miss the show.<\/p>\n

Eddie Izzard is a delightful, delightful man. I never cease to be impressed at how he can go off on a comedic tangent for an extended period of time and immediately pick up exactly where he left off with no “Um…um, now where was I? Dinosaur Church? No, no, I did that one. Oh wait, yes, man-skirts, um, kilts!” like so, so many comedians do. By the end of his show, my face hurt from smiling! You may interpret this one of two ways: I was amused once or twice and my usually dour face was unused to the exertion, or Eddie was really goddamn funny. I’ll give you a hint. It’s the latter. I’ll be sending him a bill shortly for the extra lines that he specifically is responsible for carving into my face. So, thank you again, Sean! I would also like to thank Sean’s girlfriend, who was unable to attend. And Jesus. But no thanks to the leather bears who hang around outside of The Cuff.<\/p>\n

On the way home, my body informed me that in no uncertain terms, it was pissed off that I hadn’t eaten yet, and as I was down to chicken ramen at home, I ended up in the grocery store wandering the aisles like a moron, deep in the throes of the ‘so hungry, nothing sounds good’ trance. Have you ever gone to the grocery store hungry and come home with a bunch of weird shit? When I got home, I realized that I had come home with: a frozen curry dinner, a swirly toothbrush, six bran muffins (? I hate bran muffins), cinnamon bears, toilet cleaner, squirty salad dressing (and no lettuce?!?), and a lady-bodybuilder magazine (I have no idea).<\/p>\n

Every time I shove one of those awful muffins down my face-hole, I repeat the mantra that I am not allowed to shop whilst hungry ever again.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Photo by GermanCityGirl. Eddie Izzard recently played the Paramount in Seattle. I rarely stay abreast of performances coming to town, and almost exclusively rely on my network of informed friends to pass along show information and anything else that I can’t be arsed to look up. This is how I found out about John Waters… Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":15571,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[110,103],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1063","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-live-shows","category-reviews"],"yoast_head":"\nBadgers Can't Be Choosers • Mellzah<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/badgers-cant-be-choosers\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Badgers Can't Be Choosers • Mellzah\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Photo by GermanCityGirl. Eddie Izzard recently played the Paramount in Seattle. I rarely stay abreast of performances coming to town, and almost exclusively rely on my network of informed friends to pass along show information and anything else that I can’t be arsed to look up. This is how I found out about John Waters... 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