{"id":1051,"date":"2008-07-01T10:22:00","date_gmt":"2008-07-01T10:22:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/mellzah.com\/?p=1051"},"modified":"2011-06-22T18:25:59","modified_gmt":"2011-06-22T18:25:59","slug":"mellzah-the-crotch-biting-sloop","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/mellzah-the-crotch-biting-sloop\/","title":{"rendered":"Mellzah, the crotch-biting sloop"},"content":{"rendered":"

I don’t know what it is, but every time I go to the U-district, I’m overwhelmed by the urge to run people over. The ‘slow down; think of the impact you could make’ signs everywhere don’t help matters; I feel as if I’m being dared.<\/p>\n

Perhaps it’s the late-teens who are so in luuuuuurve, they can’t stop looking at one another long enough to get out of the road that drive me to thoughts of murder. Perhaps it’s the high concentration of the surliest hobos Seattle has to offer. Perhaps it’s the hipsters who stand on streetcorners smoking cigarettes who might cross the street while you’re trying to turn and might not, and will stand there while you wait for them to go, but dart across the second you try to turn. Perhaps it’s the legions of girls in legwarmers who look like reject backup dancers from the Love is a Battlefield video. It could be a combination of those factors. All I know is that I not-so-secretly desire to run into a cluster of them and have a few carrom off of my car and directly through the American Apparel showcase windows to see if anyone can tell the difference between the victims and the mannequins.<\/p>\n

Last night, I fought off my urge to kill and went with daemonwolf<\/a>, variax<\/a>, and winik<\/a> to see ‘The Animation Show 4’, which was pretty much 90 minutes of ‘Whoa awesome’, ‘hahaha’, and ‘what.the.FUCK’, respectively. One of the animator’s names? Dildarian. That is an EPIC last name. And as variax<\/a> mentioned, it would’ve made a great arcade game title in the 80s. I’m thinking screw my proud german-italian-swedish-english-gypsy-mutt heritage. Melissa Dildarian has a hell of a nice ring to it, don’t you think?<\/p>\n

You know what’s better than watching a movie with your friends on a Monday night? Having the whole theater to yourselves. It was like being a multi-millionaire with a private theater without all the taxes and parasites like Paris Hilton hanging around. If only they’d let me hook up my xbox; then I’d never want to leave.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I don’t know what it is, but every time I go to the U-district, I’m overwhelmed by the urge to run people over. The ‘slow down; think of the impact you could make’ signs everywhere don’t help matters; I feel as if I’m being dared. Perhaps it’s the late-teens who are so in luuuuuurve, they… Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1051","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\nMellzah, the crotch-biting sloop • Mellzah<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/mellzah.com\/index.php\/mellzah-the-crotch-biting-sloop\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Mellzah, the crotch-biting sloop • Mellzah\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I don’t know what it is, but every time I go to the U-district, I’m overwhelmed by the urge to run people over. 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